When I went to create my first online dating profile, I sat there a few moments motionless, fingers hovering over the keyboard as I, a writer and fairly talkative person, all of a sudden had nothing to say!
I knew the type of man I was interested in—someone who shares the same values as me, who has a goofy as well as a serious side, and is looking for marriage. A man who would cherish and make me a priority in his life. But the fear of messing up my profile by either sharing too little or too much about myself was stopping me in my tracks.
I finally realized that by being completely upfront about who I am and what I was looking for I was more likely to attract someone who was looking for the same thing in a relationship I am. It took a little self-reflection and some tweaking, but eventually I found the right balance. To hopefully save you some of this initial trouble, here are a few tips on how to create your own online dating profile:
1. Make your profile less fantasy, more reality.
When people create a dating profile, many feel pressured to present this perfect, fantasy version of themselves—assuming that’s the only way men will be interested in them. That could not be further from the truth!
Ultimately, I don’t want to end up with someone who doesn’t accept every side of me. So rather than disguise things I thought were too “weird” to tell someone right away, I tried to be as realistic as possible about who I am.
A dating profile is about attracting the people that are right for you. And that’s never going to happen if you don’t share some of the most important, fun, and unique parts of who you are.
And sure enough, doing this led to meeting a great guy!
2. Don’t be afraid share your values upfront.
I knew I wanted my profile to represent who I was as a person. But I was nervous about how potential dates might react if I put so much of myself out there. As I began to create my profile, I thought to myself: Should I shy away from more serious things like my personal values and what I’m looking for in the next five years? Would it be too much?
But I realized that the things about me that I was worrying over, may be the very things that cause a good man to say hello. So I lightheartedly admitted to being an extroverted introvert with a serious love for cats. But I also mentioned that I was ready for marriage in the next couple years, as well as my desire to hopefully adopt one day. I was also 100% upfront with my religious beliefs and made it very clear that I was looking to date someone with those same beliefs. It was sharing these personal principles, hopes, and goals that led me into the relationship I’m currently in—with someone who shares my values and even appreciates my love for cats!
3. Choose a photo that represents who you are, not what you think men are looking for.
Choose photos that represent you, don’t feel pressured to present a sexed up image of yourself that doesn’t look anything like you in real life or reflect your personality. On my profile, I made sure to include a super goofy picture of me laughing while standing in front of “The Bean” sculpture in Chicago. It’s not the best photo I’ve ever taken, but it accurately represents who I am and how much I love to laugh on a daily basis!
If you have a favorite pet you’ve taken endless pictures with, post one of them. If you’re really close to your family, maybe include a shot from your last holiday gathering. You can show potential dates a lot about who you are and what you care about most in life simply by the photographs you choose to share. So when I finally met the man I am currently dating in person, he already had a sense of who I really am.
I found that creating an account which reflected my real self connected me with men who were likely to value me for me. A wonderful man I met online is now my boyfriend! We share the same values, we have no problem making each other laugh, and he is even open to adoption one day too. Because I was candid and upfront about who I am on my dating profile, I can say I’ve found the best match for me I’ve ever met.
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