“So, are you good with kids?” he asked me as we sat down to dinner. No, I wasn’t interviewing for a babysitting job, I was on a first date!
My date and I had only known each other for a couple of months, but I quickly learned that dating was a big deal for him. The fact is, he simply didn’t want to date someone unless he thought it could maybe lead to marriage down the road. And now here we were, on our first date, and he was asking me how I was with children, and he actually really needed to know.
I had dated several guys in the past and none of them had ever once asked me how I felt about children. Actually, none of them had really asked me many questions about how I viewed my future at all. As far as relationships go, most men I dated weren’t thinking about the future, and I was usually the one who ended the relationship because I realized that I could never marry them.
So, on this first date, even though I was caught off guard by his honest question, I was relieved. We talked about how I have always wanted a large family and, even though I was currently career focused, I wanted to stay at home with my children if possible. He shared a similar desire for a large family and told me that it was important to him to find a good job so that his future wife could stay home.
We weren’t talking about having a family together. We were simply being honest about the things that truly mattered to us. This way, if we decided to keep dating, there would be no worrying if we were on the same page, no waiting to find out if he would ever propose or desire a family. Most importantly, from the very beginning our honest conversation set a standard for honesty and open communication about our desires.
After a year of dating, that first date became a lifetime. My husband and I have been joyfully married for nearly 5 years and have two beautiful children. We took a risk and were honest with each other from the beginning. We didn’t compromise our beliefs and our heart’s desires on the first date, and as we go forward in our marriage, I know we never will.
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