Is Porn Bad for Relationships?

Growing up I never viewed porn, but I thought it was a normal thing to do. I knew many people who not only watched porn, but also used it as ‘foreplay’ with their partner as a way to get in the mood. I didn’t see the harm in watching it for those who wanted to or liked it.

So that’s why when the boyfriend who later became my husband told me about his struggles with porn, it didn’t really concern me all that much. After all, I had never met a man who hasn’t seen porn at some point in his life. He shared with me his views on porn, ones he still holds. He fully believes porn is cheating. We decided to never let it be a part of our relationship.

When we got married, porn was something he desperately tried to stay away from, but he would occasionally be tempted to view it. At first I didn’t think porn affected me that much, but after a while, I started seeing the effects it had on me and our marriage.

While we were having sex, I would start thinking: Is he thinking about someone else or a fantasy that he’s seen in a porn video? I would think about what noises I was making. I would think: Is this what a pornstar would do?

All of a sudden, didn’t feel comfortable being naked in front of him anymore because I didn’t have the enhanced boobs and butt that porn stars have and my stomach isn’t flat and I don’t have that “perfect body.” I started thinking if I looked different then maybe he wouldn’t feel the need to look at porn.

I knew my husband didn’t want porn to be a part of our lives and he hated himself for giving in and watching it. He felt even worse when he began to see the effects on me and our relationship. He made sure to remind me that I am enough. He loved the way I looked, our sex life, and our relationship. My husband values me, I know that, but porn always brings up those insecurities.

When I was younger I didn’t want to watch porn, but I also didn’t see the harm in it. I now believe that porn not only doesn’t boost your sex life, but it actually is harmful to you and your relationship. Porn was never something that was directly in our relationship, we never used it as “foreplay,” and we never viewed it together at all. Yet it directly affected our relationship in a harmful way. My marriage is meant to be just between me and my husband. Porn is like bringing another person into your relationship. The moment other people are involved, insecurities and issues arise.

Porn affected my marriage even when we never watched it together, so I started to wonder if the effects and insecurities are even worse when it is brought into the bedroom. Looking back at the people I knew in high school who would watch it with their boyfriends, I can see how it made them insecure as well. The more they watched porn, the more they felt something was lacking in their sex life and the more they felt that they needed to change who they were to compete with these porn actresses.

Porn is still something my husband struggles with and we are working through. The closer we’ve gotten the less he uses porn, but I also recognize porn will likely be something we will have to deal with together for a long time. What is important is that we both want a marriage with no porn in it. I love my husband, and I know he loves me more than anything, so I know that we will get through this.

Anonymous

Anonymous

All stories published at I Believe in Love are real stories, by real people, about real love.Sometimes, our writers may choose to remain anonymous to protect the privacy of friends or family that may be referenced in their stories.
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