Seven Signs That It’s Real Love, Not Lust

Have you ever wondered if someone really loves you?

I’ve always had trouble telling if a guy really loved me or not. It’s not always easy, as some guys (and some of us women, too!) don’t like to let their feelings show.

Flickr/Rema1n5
Flickr/Rema1n5

Sometimes it’s even more complicated. You can feel really into someone, or someone can feel really into you, but you eventually realize that the feelings were coming from a physical attraction—not from real love.

As I realize more and more what love really is, I’ve begun noticing little things that make me feel truly loved and appreciated (and not like I’m just someone’s object of desire).

Here are seven signs it might be true love, not just lust.

1.) He goes out of his way to help, even when it is inconvenient for him.

I have two kids, and I’ve been with guys before that didn’t even seem to notice or would complain when I needed some help feeding one of them or getting them ready to go. (Moms know how difficult it can be to get two kids out the door!) A man who really loves you is one that is willing to make sacrifices—big and small—to help you out, even if it’d be easier for him to just play video games or lay on the couch instead.

2.) You feel connected emotionally, not just physically.

Physical attraction is a beautiful thing, but if you don’t also have an attraction to who the person is as a person, it’s not real love.

3.) He listens to you and you feel understood. 

He listens to you gripe about your day or a problem—I mean, really listens. He’s not fiddling with his phone or watching TV or letting his mind wander while you talk. He is trying to understand your perspective and helps come up with solutions when needed. But even when he can’t solve your problems he still helps you feel better because at least you know he cares.

4.) He wants to hang out even when he knows you aren’t going to have sex. 

He is perfectly fine watching Netflix and cuddling on the couch. As long as you’re together it doesn’t matter.

5.) You can talk to him about your past and he doesn’t judge you. 

It can be difficult to share your past with a guy, but there comes a point in a relationship when it needs to be shared so he knows where you’ve come from and what makes you who you are. A man who really loves you is one you can feel comfortable talking to about anything, without fear that he will leave you or judge you. You know that no matter what he will work through it with you.

6.) He loves you even on your bad days.

He knows that love is more than a feeling and that even the most in-love couples will have their days when they don’t feel in love every moment. But he tells you—and more importantly shows you—that no matter what his love is unconditional.

7.)    He uses words like “us” and “we” instead of “me.” 

Depending on how long you’ve been together and what stage of the relationship you are at, he includes you in plans for the future and lets you know that he cares what you think. He’s thinking of you as a part of him, and makes it clear that he is committed and wants to build a life with you, and he wants to make that commitment public.

There is no test that you can take to know if someone really loves you. But I think that these seven signs are pretty good ways to know that a guy is interested in more than your body—that he wants all of you, not just part of you.

Brittany

Brittany

My name is Britt and I am from Ohio. I have two beautiful children and I am a single mom. I love watching movies and reading. I joined iBiL because I want to share my experiences with others that are in the same position I am in hopes it helps them through.
Brittany

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3 Comments

  • Love is a beautiful thing and it’s about support, strength, commitment and understanding. There is healthy love and also chemistry two people can have and it can turn into an obsession. I have experienced both. Although the chemistry can be exciting, it becomes unhealthy when I thought it was in love and I realized I was addicted to that person.

  • I think lust can trick most people including myself. I have now learned to take it slow. I think it’s important to know the difference. This way you don’t put so much in one basket

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