I knew after past experiences that I wanted to wait until my husband and I were married before we moved in together. I wanted both of us to freely choose to commit to each other before we fully shared our lives. Fortunately, he felt the same way!
Both of us had already had bad experiences living with a significant other before getting married. We both had combined our lives with another person—sharing pets, bills, and responsibilities with the romantic partner with whom we chose to live. And we both had to untangle ourselves when these relationships didn’t end as expected.
As I’ve written previously, when another relationship turned abusive I was afraid to leave because my entire life was tied up with his. My job was affected, my income, and my friendships. I didn’t have a place to live when I finally did leave the house we shared. I decided to never move in with a boyfriend because I knew I didn’t want to find myself in that position again if a relationship didn’t work out.
My husband knew once he moved in with his previous girlfriend that the relationship he had with her wasn’t what he was looking for. They both wanted different things. They both ended up being unhappy with their relationship but stuck it out since they shared a home. Living together prolonged the inevitable, but he finally broke it off. It was difficult because they had to separate their lives, including figuring out what do with their beloved pets.
It was a terrible situation, but his broken relationship helped him learn what he was really looking for in a partner. His life had gotten so intertwined with his ex that it made it difficult to leave even though he knew it was the right thing to do. He learned that living together was a bad idea because he didn’t want to be pressured into a making commitments before he was ready.
These experiences led us to be very candid about our expectations when we were dating. We talked about what sort of relationship we wanted, where we thought things were headed and what we wanted out of life. With our past experiences and our future desires, we both knew we would wait to move in together until we were married.
I’ll admit there were moments where I wished I could wake up next to him. But we stuck to our decision and we are so glad we did. Since we didn’t intertwine our lives by living together, we were able to really learn about each other freely. We didn’t feel obligated to be with the other person because we split the rent. We both knew we were with each other because we wanted to be together.
We committed to sharing our lives fully by getting married. It took patience, but moving into OUR home after getting married made our wedding that much more special. Our decision strengthened our relationship because we both understood the other person was worth a real commitment first.
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