Way back when I wrote a post about dating with intention. I explained then that, even though my boyfriend and I had been dating for seven months, we still had many questions we needed answered.
Now, almost ten months into our relationship, I have realized that it’s time for a “check in”. So I asked myself some questions about how things are going, what I’ve learned, and how I’m growing.
Although every couple is different, if you’re dating with intention there are some basic questions that we all need answered before saying “I Do”. Here are 4 questions that I found helpful and that I think you should be able to give a confident “yes” to by the ten month mark—if not sooner!
1.) Are you still laughing?
I can’t stress this one enough. Humor has to be a part of every relationship. Life will throw terrifying curveballs at you, and if you can’t laugh with someone along the way, it can be downright miserable. So check in with yourself—have you laughed lately with your significant other?
2. Have you changed since being with your significant other? If so, do you like the person you’ve become?
Whoever you’re dating should bring out the best in you—and then add some, because there’s always room for improvement. Yes, dating should be easy, dating should be fun. But most of all, dating should enable you to be completely yourself in all the good ways, and improve yourself in all the areas that need work.
If you find you’ve adopted unhealthy habits, sayings, or lifestyles since you started dating someone, perhaps you should examine the person you’re with.
3. Can you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life—still?
Since marriage is the end goal of dating with intention, then it needs to be there from the beginning—and continually pondered throughout your dating. This is why it’s so important to see your significant other in as many circumstances and conditions as possible. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been dating someone; this question is about the rest of your life, so it’s worth thinking about more than once and openly discussing with each other.
4. Can I see this person raising my children with me?
Sure, it’s definitely overwhelming to think about. But at some point, a couple has to seriously look at the other and ask if they want to share the privilege and responsibility of bringing new life into the world together. But it’s not just about bringing new life into the world—it’s about guiding that new life all the way to adulthood, and even beyond that. To me, this question is the most important because it means that you have to look at whether your significant other is willing to sacrifice for another, if they are brave enough to hold your hand through this crazy journey. Because at the end of the day, you both might have a couple little hands reaching up to you.
I know I don’t have a crystal ball where I can confidently say that my boyfriend and I will someday marry each other and start a family. But I do claim the ability to answering a confident “yes” to all of these questions, and for the time being we’ll continue to date with each other with intention and enjoy every step– and question–along the way.