One crisp fall day I found an old journal of mine sitting on my shelf. When I opened it, I found a list in the back titled, “What I Want In A Future Husband.” Wow, this journal is old, I thought to myself. It was from 2009, two years before I got married, and only a year before I started dating the man who became my husband. I immediately began to feel nervous. What if my husband doesn’t match up with my list?
As I began to skim through it, I felt some relief that Ian did fulfill the most important points, and I laughed at some of my silly requests. I don’t think any guy would have fit perfectly with my list, and if one did he wouldn’t actually be the one for me. In 2009 I didn’t know exactly what my husband needed to be. Still, as I dated and looked for the man who would become my husband, having a list of standards in the back of my mind probably helped me more than I realized. It was only a short while after I made the list that I found the man I was looking for.
Here is my list.
1. He shares my faith and commitment to living out that faith.
No matter what your beliefs are, I think your partner should match you on a spiritual level. Otherwise, there will be a deep part of you that they do not understand. I actually remember purposefully putting this one first so that I wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving it out or putting it later on in the list like it isn’t important. As a Christian, sharing my faith with a man is a given. Ian is a Christian, so he does fulfill this wish. Whenever I am worried about something or stressing out (which seems to happen more often the older I get), he gently reminds me that God is in control and will work things out for the good. I think it’s kind of ironic that my favorite Bible verse is about that very thing, but I need to be constantly reminded of its message.
2. He is funny and makes me laugh.
Ian definitely fulfills this one! One of the first things I was attracted to in him was his sense of humor. He made even the most boring situations hilarious because of his witty remarks. I treasure every time someone tells me how hilarious Ian is. I think it is really important to laugh together with your spouse. Ian and I do laugh often and have a lot of fun together.
3. He is romantic.
When Ian and I were first dating I didn’t know if he would be very romantic or not, but turns out he has a lot of moments where he is very sweet. He came up with a genius way of proposing to me, and had my family and friends waiting for me after the proposal as a surprise. He knows what will make me smile. I think he is just the perfect amount of romantic for me.
4. He is adventurous.
This fits, even though Ian doesn’t like roller coasters or camping. We do find plenty of things to do together that are adventurous, like spelunking or snorkeling.
5. He can/is willing to dance.
Well, this one didn’t really work out as well as I had hoped! Though he will dance with me in the kitchen when no one is looking, and he willingly went swing dancing with me once (he hated it). The only time he got out on the dance floor and didn’t care who was watching was at our wedding, which I think is perfect.
6. He likes to travel.
Yes, he does, and we have lots of plans for future travel when we have the time. We also both enjoy doing similar things when traveling (like going to museums, etc.), which is a plus.
7. He is outgoing.
What I was looking for in this one was someone to help me with meeting people because I am a quiet extrovert. Well, I married an introvert, but it forces me to be more extroverted and I think his personality does complement mine.
8. He speaks another language/is willing to learn.
Didn’t really get this one either, but it makes me smile when Ian randomly says something kind of in Spanish with his limited Spanish knowledge. This just means that whenever we travel to another country I will be the one translating, which I am very excited about.
9. He is cuddly with me.
Definitely. Ian and I have two of the same love languages (quality time and physical touch), which means I am never left guessing if he loves me or cares about me. We are perfectly happy sometimes just to sit and cuddle and talk about life, and I love it.
10. He respects my boundaries when dating.
Yes, Ian was very good about that. It was so nice when we were dating not to be pressured into something I wasn’t ready for.
11. He gets along with my family.
He does get along with my family, and that is very important to me. My family means a lot to me and it would be so stressful if I married someone that didn’t like them or that they didn’t like. I am so thankful that this was not a problem.
12. He has a good reputation.
Yes, he does. He also is a very hard worker and has a good reputation at work, and I am very proud of him for that. I wanted this in a husband because this shows that he has a good character and I can trust him to be a good guy.
13. He likes spicy food.
Umm, what? This one is random. Ian definitely does not like spicy food. I think I wanted this because it would mean that I could cook spicy things. It still works out, because Ian likes chips and salsa, and I can just order spicy things on my own when we go out to eat. Liking spicy food really is not that important of a quality for a future husband unless you can only eat spicy food and nothing else.
So it turns out my husband fulfilled most of my list. Nine out of thirteen is good, especially when the other four are not really that important. Yes, I had some wild ideas about what the “perfect” guy would look like. But the important thing here is that I did have standards, and that he met the most important ones. I think it’s also interesting that I forgot about this list, but still found myself attracted to a man who met most of my standards. In other words, having standards helped me to find the kind of man I was looking for. He may not like spicy foods or enjoy dancing, but he is just right for me. I wouldn’t change a thing.