“What Was I Thinking?!”

Coffee Date

I think I’ve been on some rather interesting dates, but one in particular will never be forgotten…

He took me to a vineyard and while we sipped wine while enjoying the warm summer sun, I said something that should probably never be said out loud on a date…

“I am not really that attracted to you and I am going to go on a date with another guy this weekend.”

As you could imagine, silence filled the air for a little bit…

I don’t remember what was going on in my head or why I thought that was at all appropriate. But I just knew that I wanted to be honest with him. So, I just put that on the table, without processing the hurt in those words.

We hadn’t discussed anything about exclusivity at that point, and after I told him, he casually seemed to brush it off and our conversation seemed to move forward. But as our date continued, I could tell that those words really did matter to him, and were beginning to affect the rest of the conversation. He stopped listening, stopped asking me questions, and everything seemed to be a daze. At the end of our date he told me that he had a good time, but I could tell something was off. He left it at that and said goodbye.

Getting into my car, I was almost positive that I would never see him again. As I drove away, I immediately called my sister and began telling her what had happened. What was I thinking?!

In mid- sentence, I suddenly realized that I had given him my license to hold on to and I had not asked for it back. I quickly hung up the phone, and in an embarrassed panic called him to explain the situation.

A few minutes later, as I jumped out of my car, words of apology seemed to spew from my mouth. It was only our third date, but I took this incident as a sign that I should let him know that I actually wanted to see him again. Before I could really gather my thoughts and say something logical, he calmly said to me, “I want you to go on that date. If, after the date, you still want to go out with me, you just let me know.”

I was baffled. I had literally just shot this guy down; I had taken a giant stab at his feelings on a date! What was he thinking? I know that if some guy had said anything remotely similar to what I had said to him, I would have immediately walked away. Why was this guy going to give me another chance?

Whatever his reasoning was, I’m so thankful that he did because it was instances like that that allowed me to trust him. I knew that he really cared for me. As our relationship slowly progressed, he pursued me in a way that I had never experienced before. From that experience, I learned that even if love doesn’t come in the form that I expect it, sometimes it’s actually what I really need. That relationship, his patience, helped heal of a lot of hurt that I was holding onto from my past. I know that not all guys will be so willing to give me a second chance, but I am certainly grateful for the one second chance that I was given.


Flickr/Ged Dackys

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1 Comment

  • You’re lucky! I’ve hurt a guy in my past without even realizing it, only afterwards as I was trying to process what happened, realizing that I had said all the wrong things and how hurtful they must have been (What was I thinking??). I tried to apologize but he just ignored my attempts. This made me believe that I didn’t deserve a second chance, that my mistakes were invincible and I wasn’t lovable enough to be worthy of being forgiven and restoring our friendship.

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