Sometimes people break up for stupid reasons and never should have broken up to begin with. Sometimes they break up for good reasons but then one or both of them changes.
People do stupid things when they’re young and, let’s be honest, even when they’re not young. Maybe you let a great catch go because you didn’t appreciate then what you had.
There are some clear indicators when you shouldn’t get back together with an ex. But are there times you should give them a second chance?
You might want to reconsider if:
- You or your ex seems to have grown and matured a lot since you dated. Has your ex’s lifestyle changed? Maybe before they only cared about partying. If they now have goals and are working toward attaining them, you might want to give them a second chance. If your ex takes their responsibilities seriously when before their life seemed to be without clear direction, he or she might be worth another try.
- You or your ex are now ready for commitment. If before one or both of you weren’t ready to settle down or to be in a serious relationship but now you are, you might give the relationship another try. This doesn’t mean that you have to know for sure that you want to marry before dating again, just that you are both open to that possibility.
- Your ex shows a willingness to change. I’m not talking about just saying that he or she will change. I mean your ex shows by their actions they are trying to change. If your ex is making clear steps to be the kind of person he or she wants to be, this is a positive sign. Like all change, it usually happens slowly, but if your ex is on that path and he or she still means a lot to you, you might consider giving them another chance.
- You know your expectations for the relationship. What are your needs? Think about them and name them. Whatever they are, if you have communicated your expectations clearly and you both have agreed to abide by them, you may find yourself in a winning relationship this time around.
- It feels right. I hesitate to say this because people can make really horrible decisions based on emotions. We have a head and we should definitely use it when making big decisions! But even when something seems to make complete sense according to cold logic, our emotions still have something important to tell us. If, for example, your ex loves you but your heart just isn’t in it, something’s off. If your head says to go ahead and you care deeply for this person, then it might be worth another shot.
- If your ex hasn’t used up all their chances. It’s hard to say exactly how many chances are too many. As yourself whether your ex seems to be taking advantage of your heart and your willingness to forgive. But if if this is not the case, a second chance isn’t automatically a sign of weakness. On the contrary, forgiveness and a willingness to work through things can be a sign of incredible strength.
Dating can be tough. When it comes to deciding whether to take back an ex or not, it can be difficult to decide. If you are both willing to address and work through the issues that ended your relationship in the first place, you’ve both grown since you dated last, and you still care for one another, you might discover that the break up was simply the motivation you both needed to make the changes needed to have a flourishing relationship.