When I was younger I sowed my wild oats, as they say. I took in what the movies and magazines said the teen and college years should be and I bought it all hook, line, and sinker. My life was largely filled with parties, casual relationships, and very rare commitment. I always assumed marriage and children would be in my future, but I had no idea what to expect when I tried to imagine monogamous married life. Let’s be honest, media makes it look pretty boring and stale. The “old ball and chain”, right?
If Cosmopolitan magazine is to be believed, you’d better have as much sex as you can before you get hitched and eventually become completely asexual. But good news: it turns out Cosmo really shouldn’t be believed, because marriage is awesome and committed sexual relationships can’t be beat. Here are 5 reasons why.
- You don’t have to wonder where your partner has been. In a good marriage you can talk upfront about STDs and if they’re present you deal with it together, and if not you never have to worry about it again!
- Pregnancy can be a gift, not a crisis. Sex is really not meant to be completely separate from reproduction. Certainly there will be times in marriage when pregnancy needs to be avoided, but if there is a lifelong commitment present than even a “surprise” pregnancy can be cause for joy. You’ll be a family no matter what, forever.
- You worry less about your physical appearance. The longer you’ve been intimate with someone, the less your physical appearance really matters. You’ve been through enough together to deeply value one another’s compassion, intellect, faithfulness, sense of humor, etc. You are attracted more by who they are than by what they look like, and having that pressure off makes the whole experience a lot more fun!
- You’re more comfortable being vulnerable. Sex is a humbling act. It leaves you completely exposed physically, obviously, but there is an equally deep vulnerability that comes from expressing what you like and dislike in a healthy way, as well as the hope that the choices you’re making are pleasurable for your partner. When you engage in this deep emotional nakedness with someone you don’t know very well, it can be quite awkward and anxiety-inducing. The longer you’ve been together and the greater your commitment level, this anxiety is alleviated, you express your preferences more readily, and it’s just a lot more fun.
- Sex is never tainted with a break-up. In the two sexual relationships I had before marriage my heart was utterly broken when both ended, even though I knew deep down that it was for the best. Human beings are simply not made to have such incredible intimacy severed: it always feels like it’s destroying part of us. (Proponents of casual sex would argue with this, but I stand by the assertion that their soul is more hardened and damaged than they let on or are aware of.) Marriages certainly go through their own hurts and pains, but in a lifelong marriage the tie is never severed and the hearts can remain intact.