A Letter to the Baby We Never Met

Dear Little One,

We never got to hold you or see your face, but I still think of you every day.  For 12 weeks you made your home inside me and you will always be in my heart.

Your Daddy and I loved you the moment we knew you were there.  We had only been married two months when you came along.  We were both a little nervous about becoming parents so soon, but we were also excited and overjoyed.

As you grew, I remember walking our dog through the fall leaves and thinking that I had never been happier and felt so full of life.

The day we lost you was—and still is—the saddest day of my life. The doctor told us there was nothing we could have done—God just called you home too early for us.  It was the first time I ever saw your Daddy cry.  We leaned on each other.  We leaned on family and friends.  Mostly, we leaned on God.

Although we knew it wasn’t our faults that you left us so soon, we struggled with guilt.  I worried that I had not eaten enough healthy foods or taken good enough care of myself.  Your Daddy felt guilty because of the worries he had about having a baby so soon in our marriage, while we were both still in college.

Although you were with us for only 12 weeks, you touched our hearts and taught us so much. You taught us to forgive each other and ourselves.  You taught us to lean on each other in hard times, and turn to others and to God to struggle on through our sadness.  But most of all, you taught us the value and sacredness of life—one life—your life.

Image of our firstborn
Image of our firstborn

And when your brothers came along, I treasured every moment they grew in me all the more.  I treasured every heartbeat I heard at the doctor’s office, because I never heard yours.  I treasured every finger and toe on the sonogram screen—because I never saw yours.  Every kick, stretch mark, ache, and pain, I gladly bore—wishing I could have borne them for you.  And when your Daddy felt them kick and finally held them in his arms for the first time, I know he thought of you, of all the things he never got to do for you.

And even though I never met you, I miss you.  You will always be our first, our oldest, our baby.  And I believe that someday, you will make our family complete and I will get to hold you in my arms just the way I didn’t get to in your short time on earth.

With all my love,

Mommy & Daddy

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  • This really touches me. A couple days after Christmas I lost my baby. I was 11 weeks. It’s still very soon so I’m still sad, and I know how you felt. Someday I hope to move on.

    • Olivia, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Miscarriage often seems like a taboo subject, and it is so easy to feel alone. When we lost our baby, I was surprised at many friends and relatives who shared their stories of pregnancy loss with me. I had no idea many of them had ever lost a baby as I had. Knowing that I wasn’t alone helped ease my sadness a bit. I hope and pray that you will be able to move on and try again.

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