A Message To Anyone Who Is Tired Of Waiting For Love

Probably everyone hears at least once during their single years, “How is it that no one has snatched you up yet? You’re such a catch!”

I know some people are bothered by the question, but it was actually my favorite. I would outwardly shrug it off. But actually, I would hope the conversation would continue–Please, tell me more about what every young man in this city is missing.

As much as we don’t want to admit it, it’s hard to be prolongedly single. I used to sit in my parked car outside my apartment and cry every once in a while. I have a terrible sense of direction, I really don’t like city driving, and I hate showing up to places alone. But as a girl who was very single through the majority of my twenties, I spent a lot of time in that Ford Fusion by myself. And sometimes I would suddenly feel a big weight – the awareness that my youth was passing me by and maybe love just wasn’t in the cards for me – and I would just let a few tears flow.

But then I would fix my eye makeup, put myself back together, and be on my way. I would show up to an event solo and immediately begin to enjoy all the lovely company, all the happiness around me. I would courageously walk down that aisle at someone else’s wedding, my arm linked to the usher’s, and find my spot among friends.

You see, though the disappointing dates and dateless nights in my single years at times felt overwhelming and embarrassing, I had a secret little prediction. Someday my wait, which seemed so much longer than everyone else’s, would offer the most wonderful reward. Somewhere out there was the most amazing person, and we were saving ourselves for each other. Then everyone would see: I was a catch, which was why I wasn’t going to be snatched up by just anybody.

Sometimes, in the midst of the frustrations and feelings of rejection during the dating years, it’s hard to believe that relationship status has nothing to do with a your worth. But singles, you are looking for the love of your life. The fact that you’re still single might mean your instincts have told you to hold out for something better. You, single girl, are beautiful and worth someone’s wait. You, single guy, are the end of one sincere heart’s ardent search for love. Someone is looking for you, too. You are a catch, one special person’s catch, and the timing of being snatched up by your spouse is just a part of your love story.

Laura and Kyle.
Laura and her husband

Two years ago, I did marry the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Now, in the same little Ford Fusion that got me safely to most of my friends’ weddings alone, I cart around a little 15-month-old, and will soon have to install a car seat for her new sibling. I am never alone, even when I want to be. I am supremely happy and so, so thankful none of the dates from my twenties worked out, except for the one…

Yet when I look back on the perpetually single girl I was, I’m proud of her. You go, girl, I think. You go with your scraping snow off your own car, finding your way through uptown by yourself, doing your own finances with your meager paycheck, finding joy in other people’s big life events, being a bomb bridesmaid, wearing high heels all over town and carrying a darling, tiny (diaper-less) purse. I’m glad for the experiences I had as a single girl, for opening my heart up to finding true love but never settling for something that might have been better for someone else. I’m glad I stuck it out, thinking I was enough of a catch to wait for the most amazing person I know to snatch me up.

Laura

Laura is just your typical nice Minnesota girl, who grew up with the little dream of having a family of her own someday.Along the way, she has studied in Spain, taught English and literature, and made about a hundred homemade cards.She now braves the Minnesota winter each year because she is madly in love with her Minnesotan husband and wants to raise her baby Mary (and the siblings to come) near family.She is part of I Believe in Love because when you truly fall in love, and love well, you and your partner make each other shine.
Laura
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17 Comments

  • Laura your story is both heartwarming and cherished and has helped me through several a morbid, dark lonely day. I was in love once but it didn’t workout, the most painful part being that she moved on to someone new within a week and I’ve been single ever since with hardly a new prospect in the last eight or nine months. The beautiful thing is that, for all the hurt, i might’ve never began growing into a better person had that relationship been allowed to continue the way it was with its confused ups and downs. You remind me that our value is based on something deeper than the partner we attract into our life and that there is someone waiting for us all of us too who we were meantvto make so happy and who will make our wait all the more worth it if only we hold onto hope, be patient, and follow the right path Thank you Laura for your comforting words and may the rest of your days and your beautiful family be blessed.

  • I need some one who i can love from my heart not that person past but her presant i can die for her if shd love me same or shd have lovd 4 me

  • What about those of us who get to middle age and still find ourselves without a partner? Not always easy to keep up hope. Especially when men your age range prefer women who are much younger, and those men look through you as though you’re made of air. It makes you feel like you’re ugly and hopelessly flawed.

  • Stumbled upon this blog. Your story is heartwarming. It gives me hope and strength to carry on. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Best wishes from Mumbai, India

  • It makes me so angry to read these things. Just because it happened for you it doesn’t mean it will happen for everyone else. It’s so easy to be all “relax, he will come, blah blah blah” when he already showed up for you.

  • Thank you for your wonderful thoughts!!! I am in a very sad situation in my life right now, I am not in a good place right now, unfortunately….and just like you wrote, I cry and cry thinking that maybe I am not good enough, why did he hurt me etc…I hope that one day I will smile again….

  • Thank you so much, Laura. I am a 26 year old guy from Brazil who was having one of those losing all hope days. When I was a teen I decided to wait until marriage (born again Christian) and in the last couple of years, after I became single, I kept blaming that for this long desert I am going through. Like I said, It was a bad day and I needed to read your story. Thanks so much for sharing with the world what you have been through and inspiring us.

  • Hello Laura,

    Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m a women in my mid-twenties and I’m having one of those nights thinking what’s wrong with you. I question if it’s the way how I dress (I’ve been told countless times by friends I should dress more “feminine” to become a catch; however, I don’t follow society’s norms.), or my personality or whatever it is. I’m becoming very tired of looking and the individuals I become interested in don’t take an interest or those who do just want to fool around which is what I’m not seeking (or even comfortable doing). Being a strong, educated women is a difficult thing to be and it seems that most guys aren’t even into that sort of thing which is unfortunate. However, you blog has reminded me perhaps at the point of my life at the moment isn’t meant to be and I should be patient. Thank you for sharing!

  • Hey Laura. I’m 41 now and have never been in a true relationship. I’m probably known as a serial monogamist. My relationships would last a month or two and it was basically about sex . I have been alone my whole life. Not having a girlfriend has been the bane of my existence my entire life since becoming a teenager. I think about it constantly, literally, I wake up and go to bed wondering why I don’t have the ability to find and stay with a women I am attracted to. I have tried everything from self-help, to hypnotherapy, to becoming a pick-up artist, online dating. Now, I’m at the point where I’m so jaded. I get depressed a lot about it. I met a beautiful girl online the other day and we met for coffee. She was 24 and very into me and I didn’t even care. I felt no attraction. Through a lot of self analysis, I believe my problem started, as with most people, with my mother. I never felt love from her. After my older brother was born she wanted a girl. So she tried but had to have an abortion so she tried again and I came out and then again but had another boy. She then tried to adopt a girl but she was rejected by the agency. So, growing up, my mother yelled at me a lot, she wasn’t necessarily a bad mother I mean she did what was required but I just got the feeling I was more of a chore to her then a celebration of life. I also gave her plenty of reasons to not like me. Not because I was a bad kid, I just wasn’t very smart in school. I was very artsy and spent most of my time alone. My father was an alcoholic growing up as well. My parents weren’t bad parents, they did what was required except show and express love. They never showed it to each other or us. There is not a single photograph of my mother hugging me as a baby or anything. So, I don’t know what love is. I don’t know how to feel it or express or recognize it. It’s been a mystery to me my whole life and at 41 I’m starting to close up shop and become a hermit because life just doesn’t feel worth living anymore. What’s weird is that as i write this I almost feel good in my depression. It’s familiar.

  • Stumbled across this blog during one of those nights where you wonder what is wrong with you. And why haven’t you met the right guy. I have had my moments in my life where I just didn’t care, and focused on myself and looking cute, but of late It’s been bothering me. And to make matters worse one of my friends just messaged me on Facebook. She gave me a compliment which said that I’m looking “gorgeous and glowing”, and then she asked me who snatched me up. I said “no one” and she said “STILL?! I need to send a man your way!” I know she was joking but still it’s just a reminder that i’ve been sooo single that even the people around me notice. Sooo now I’m here. 22 years old, never had a “real” relationship, but I’ve had my heart broken. How fortunate I am. It’s just annoying to watch everyone else go on to their 2nd and third relationship while I’m stuck in the same place year after year. There are no guys out there, everywhere I turn guys are taken (church, school, etc.) I feel unlovable, i feel like there’s no one out there for me. I’m happy everything worked out for you, but I don’t know IF i’ll have the same outcome. I hope I do…

  • I burst into tears when I read your article, because I also spent many times in my underground parking crying and wondering why love hasn’t happened for me yet. Why it’s so easy for everyone else? One of my friend’s was engaged and they broke up then was in a new relationship less than 3 months later and married that guy a year later. Another friend of mine recently broke up from a 9 year relationship, she already met someone else and couldn’t be happier. I’ve been completely single and alone my entire life, never had a relationship. I always had respect for myself so I wouldn’t just sleep around or date just to date, but now after seeing everyone else get their happily ever after and I can’t even find one guy to be with, it’s super discouraging and has caused me to be really depressed. I tried many avenues and put myself out there, grew up in church, travelled, took advantage of my single years but now I just want to move onto the next stage in life, I want marriage and babies too. I don’t know what to do anymore all I want to do is cry. It’s the same thing every year, I get excited thinking maybe this will be my year, then the year ends and I’m still single as the last. I can’t help but think if the next 5 yrs are like the last 5, I don’t even want to be alive to see them. That’s how much it hurts.

    • My very same thoughts, exactly. Time after time, I see it seems so easy for other people… they seem to jump from one relationship to another, while I’ve been single for almost 3 years now (and my past relationships didn’t feel as real love either). And I totally understand the last part. If the next years are the same as the last ones have been, I really don’t want to see them either.

  • You didn’t mention your age. Its damn easy to write these don’t give up, don’t lose faith articles if you are not yet forty.
    I have been searching for love since age 15 …. 40 years!
    Let’s see some advice for the never married and rapidly approaching AARP age.

  • To be honest, sometimes I did lose hope. But I thought: I’d rather be alone right now than settle. Also, I knew there were some gems out there, like my brothers and some of my friends’ husbands. I opened myself up to meeting people online, through friends, at church (where I met my husband), wherever! In the end, what it really took was time, and I had no control over that. I do know that if I had succumbed to some of the pressures of the culture (like dating someone who expected me to sleep with him or move in before marriage), I might have missed the opportunity to meet and date my husband. We both just had to have faith in a bigger plan. Good luck and blessings on your search! I know how much it stinks, but don’t lose hope. There are some wonderful men out there in the same boat, and you never know what’s around the corner.

  • Laura,
    I appreciate your article & found it helpful; but as someone in the same situation, I just wonder how you kept hope alive. As toxic as the culture is, how did you avoid the temptation to think/feel/believe that there wasn’t a man out there who would love you the way your husband does now?

    That’s where I keep getting stuck — those ruts that come with loss of faith & hope.

    Would appreciate any thoughts you can offer on this topic!

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