Healing from My Wounds: A Poem to My Father

“Okay class,” said my kindergarten teacher.  “We are going to talk about the private areas on your body, where no one should touch you inappropriately,” she said.  The conversation continued, and I eventually raised my hand and said, “But my daddy touches me there.”  This was the beginning of an excruciatingly painful time for me and my sisters.  

He abused me, then left me. Here is a poem I wrote about my struggle to heal from these wounds:

Father, oh, father,

You had to leave me.

But why did you do it?

I was only three.

I was so very tiny,

And yet you didn’t care.

You playfully touched me,

And I don’t think that was fair.

 

I was too young to know

What you did to me then.

But thanks to you now

I am scared of most men.

All I wanted from you

Was a father to love.

But you had to hurt me,

And that is not love.

 

All I want from you now

Is the answer to why.

Because I don’t have a father,

And you are the reason why.

There’s a place in my heart

That might be filled one day.

But right now it is empty,

And I am the one who has to pay.

 

Father, oh, father,

You had to leave me.

But why did you do it?

I was only three.

 

After intensive therapy, I made a decision not to let the acts of my biological father ruin my life. I had to let go of the anger and the hurt so I could move on with my life. Even though I made peace with these events in my past, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still affect my life. The protection I feel for my young daughter is heightened; specifically around men. The struggles in my life, as hard as they were, have motivated me provide the love, awareness, and protection for my daughter that I wished I had had. That doesn’t mean what happened was OK. But I  believe in love because love always wins.

Anonymous

All stories published at I Believe in Love are real stories, by real people, about real love.Sometimes, our writers may choose to remain anonymous to protect the privacy of friends or family that may be referenced in their stories.
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