Are You a Talker or a Stalker?

Flickr/ Mehfuz Hossain
Flickr/ Mehfuz Hossain

I’ve recently added new lingo to my vocabulary: mentally stalking and creeping.  I heard these terms in a youth program that I volunteer with and they really caught my attention. I’ve gotten a little daydreamy about a crush before, like the time I thought about “our” wedding before there was even a first date. That would be an example of mentally stalking.

I’ve also been on the reverse side. Once, a guy made some comments on Facebook that seemed to indicate that he had been looking at my list of friends and posts. In other words, he was creeping me … and it began to creep me out! The fact that I had no romantic interest in this guy made it even more unsettling for me. He also said and did some things which made me wonder if he had been mentally stalking me. All of this caused confusion in me about his intentions; I felt used and uncomfortable.

So, what does it mean to mentally stalk or creep someone? And is it really that big of a deal?

Mentally stalking entails thinking about a guy we like a lot.  For example, we may even daydream about holding his hand when we are not even dating him or twist things that he said in our minds.  For instance, if a guy were to say he’s going to a party, we believe he is going there because we’ll be there.

Creeping on the other hand may include looking at a person’s Facebook status, looking at what they’ve been doing, looking at their likes and dislikes.  You get the picture!

Both of these ideas tie in with emotional chastity, which refers to how we use our emotional desires, and the need to break away from the mentality of using another person for our own gratification.  (Two articles I came across, one from a female perspective and one from a male perspective, go into greater depth about this and are worth the read.)

Why do we mentally stalk or creep a person? Boredom, loneliness, insecurity, desire for love—perhaps these are some of the reasons. But it’s a good recipe for heartbreak if the first date or wedding of our dreams with the person never happens. I know how my heart would probably feel: as if I had just broken up with my (imaginary) boyfriend.

Also, I would have been using him in my mind for my own emotional gratification.  And, if I had in fact started dating Mr. Daydream, our real-life interactions may very well have not ended up meeting the perfect expectations of my made-up ones.  This could lead to anger or disappointment or unfairness towards him on my part.

Finally, just practically speaking, if creeping is going on, it may get a little hard to keep track of what a person is and isn’t supposed to know!  The other person may also end up finding out.  I once looked up information on a LinkedIn website about a guy I liked, not realizing at the time that he would be informed that I was looking at his profile.  Busted!

So guys, if you are interested in a woman, please tell her.  Be a talker, not a stalker.  Be real with how you feel.  And ladies, consider spending more time living in reality and developing qualities of a good wife and mother for marriage rather than fantasizing about marriage to someone who may or may not end up being your future husband.  Then, when the time is right, hopefully we’ll meet the real man of our dreams face to face—not by creeping him on Facebook!

Anne Marie
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Are You a Talker or a Stalker?

I’ve recently added new lingo to my vocabulary: mentally stalking and creeping. ...
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