I’ll never forget the time I was driving home from a first date when I see that my date is calling me, not ten minutes after I had left her. I answered the phone, full of dread. I’m no pessimist, but I often find myself fearing the worst when it comes to girls.
So imagine my surprise when she said, “I just wanted to thank you again. I had such a nice time. The way you listened to me and were perfectly content to hear me talk about whatever it was, I just felt so valued and cherished. So thank you.”
Suffice it to say, I was blown away. But that phone call gave me a whole new perspective on what women want from men: They want you to show interest in them.
I mean, that’s why you asked her out in the first place, right? You wanted to start a relationship with her, or at the very least get to know her a bit better. How do you do that? Ask her questions.
Seems simple enough. But let’s be honest, when it involves a pretty lady, simple things can become terribly difficult. Like talking. Sure, some of us are capable of sitting down with a beautiful woman and captivating her by our master conversing skills. But, for the rest of us, it takes a little more effort.
Last week’s Pro Tip suggests that it might help to have what is called a “plan”. According to Pro Tip #4, having a plan means you have laid out a few questions to get the conversation going ahead of time. It might seem robotic, but having a few good questions in your back pocket can put you at ease and keep the conversation moving smoothly. Just don’t forget that the best conversations are natural ones.
Here are 3 of my own tips to help you ask the right questions and keep the conversation flowing.
1. Warm up with the location.
My buddy will always use the venue as his starting point: “Have you been here before?” Maybe she chose the place. “Tell me about this place. What’s your favorite drink?” Favorites are more than just random trivia. They speak to preferences, and can even go deeper to our upbringings and ethnicity. “This place reminds you of going to your Grandma’s? What’s she like? Are you close?”
3. Tap into the information she provides.
The idea of a “flowing” conversation means one topic naturally leads into the next. If she is telling you about her weekend and she mentions her friends, use the information provided to ask more questions: What are your friends like? Do you go to concerts a lot?
Who knows, you may both have a friend who is accident prone or maybe you both only go to concerts in the summer.
4. Let her reaction be your guide.
Listen to how she answers questions. A woman will generally sit up straighter, lean in closer, and go into more detail about the subjects she is excited about. So, if she lights up when she talks about her dog, ask her more about it. If you can tell she doesn’t want to talk about what she studied in college, change the subject.
With all these tips in mind, remember a first date should never feel like an interrogation. In other words, if a discussion about the happy hour selections leads to a lively debate over the merits of PBR v. High Life, don’t be in a hurry to divert the conversation to weightier things. Although I’m not sure why you’d want to, anyway.
Photo by Ben Raynal
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