“I think I might need to be single right now,” he said.
Well, that was not how I had predicted our lunchtime conversation going. I quickly composed myself to respond. “Oh, ok.” I couldn’t think of how else to respond.
I had been dating a guy called “Joe” for almost a year and a half. I knew that we would be having a conversation. We had both talked about it earlier and agreed that we would both know around a year or a year and a half where are relationship was headed. So, why was I so surprised?
Maybe it was the fact that he had given no hint that he felt this way in the previous weeks leading up to this revelation. He wasn’t breaking up with me, he was just letting me know that he was praying about it and that he’d keep me updated. But, from there, the dynamic of the relationship wasn’t the same.
A month and half, that’s how long it took. He had been my first “real boyfriend.” Not that any of my previous boyfriends were mythical beings or imaginary, but it was my first relationship to last more than three months.
When the day finally came, there were almost no tears, at least on my part. The only tears I shed were at seeing how much this hurt him to say that we should break up. It wasn’t because I was cold hearted. It was just that I had already run through all of the emotions and had come to a place of peace with it all.
I knew that he wasn’t the one. Our lives were going in different directions. We now live in different states.
I realized that sometimes loving someone doesn’t mean chasing them down to the ends of the earth, sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go.
And In letting go, I realized I not only free him but also myself. I knew that our breakup was what was best for both of us.
While I didn’t expect to suddenly be single, it’s a time I now cherish. I spent more time getting to know myself, met a whole new group of absolutely amazing people who I have eaten countless tacos with, spent time with my best girlfriends watching Netflix while crafting, graduated college, and was given opportunities to do something I love- write!
I think we all fear being alone. But I came to the point in my singleness where I realized that it isn’t a punishment to be single. It’s a season. For some that season may last their entire life. But, just like the great state I live in, my season of singleness came to a close to make way for the next.
My time of singleness helped me come to a greater understanding of who I was. I found my center.
So when I did find the right guy, I was ready for him.
I believe in love, because love is hopeful.