Pregnancy scares can show a side of a person—including the possible mother—that you might not have known before. For some, it can bring out the worst: Boyfriends leave, parents instill shame, or friends break off their relationship for their own convenience. For others, it brings out the best. It’s hard to know beforehand.
Neither of us had healthy ideas or practices about sex. I latched on to unrealistic ideals I read in saucy books, and my boyfriend had few reservations about becoming sexually active. On top of that, both my parents offered to pay for my birth control once we began dating! This was my first serious relationship, and I had no voices in my life encouraging me to wait. It was hard not to have sex with a guy I was falling for.
Then, just a couple months after we began dating, reality slapped me in the face: My period was late. I was generally a good student and was known for being “low drama.” I was terrified that continuing through senior year with a growing belly would lead to whispers and disapproval, as well as stress from my own family. The anxiety got to me so much that I threw up and took a day off!
What made me the most anxious was the possible reaction from my boyfriend. While I was at home, I first wrote down a list of my feelings about this “maybe baby.” Then I paced and struggled with my stress nausea some more. Eventually I reached a point where I knew I could not procrastinate any longer, and I picked up my phone.
As soon as he answered, I said, “I think I might be pregnant.”
He was silent. I became a mess of tears. I explained everything: Maybe we did something wrong; I’m so sorry for being stupid; I’m so scared and don’t know what to do; I’m a terrible girlfriend for ruining your life. I was convinced my boyfriend was going to outright hate me for this possible pregnancy.
My boyfriend waited patiently until I calmed down and regained my senses. Very calmly, he then explained to me how he planned to help me out should I actually be pregnant.
Now it was my turn to be silent! I sat there in shock as he talked about extra jobs he could take, how he could help me to stay in school, and even how to help pay for my medical care. The guy I thought would be angry with me was instead discussing how to care for me and this possible baby. He did not reject me, he chose me.
Relaxed and more level-headed now, I began to discuss the options with him. Joy started to fill my heart: I knew I found a man I wanted to walk through life with. He was a man who desired to be with me no matter how scary or hard the obstacle, no matter what crazy things were thrown our way.
I was lucky. My period came eventually, and life settled down, my family none the wiser. I also found out through my ordeal that the person I was active with was someone I could marry one day. Others, however, are not so lucky. They discover that their partner is selfish, or cowardly, or have any number of other bad traits. The fact that I found my own future partner in such a trial is something I do not treat lightly.
In hindsight, I wished we had waited to have sex until we were married, because sex has bigger consequences than our relationship was ready for. From that moment, we tried to let our relationship grow in ways outside of sex. It was a struggle for quite a while, but eventually we found ways to care for one another in ways that were not sexual. We treated one another as human beings who work together in life, rather than two people getting pleasure out of the other. Because of that, our marriage flourishes despite the hardships we’ve faced.
Through the challenges my husband and I face together, I am reminded every single time that not only is he the one for me, but that I am chosen by him. And it all started with a difficult circumstance that was answered with love.