Have you ever heard of the Five Love Languages? According to relationship expert Gary Chapman, there are five main ways that people prefer to show and receive love: gifts, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service. With all due respect for Dr. Chapman, though, I think he left a very important language off of that list. For me at least, there is only one language of true love: coffee.
Coffee really is my love language. I can always be won over with a nice, hot cup of joe. (In case you’re wondering, I prefer a dark roast drip with extra cream. Bonus points if it’s freshly ground.) My absolute favorite way to spend time with people is drinking coffee together. There is just something about the coffee aroma and warm mugs that brings magic to any friendship.
My now husband, however, was a little wary of my java obsession when we started dating. He almost never drinks coffee himself, so I would sometimes get “the look” when I suggested going to Starbucks for my second or third cup of the day. I was worried that his apparent disinterest in my coffee habits would become a real source of contention for us when we got married.
To my surprise, however, coffee did not turn out to be a problem in our marriage. In fact, it was the exact opposite. My husband may have chosen not to feed into my coffee addiction early on in our relationship, but he was paying attention. He could see how much I appreciated it when other people would share a coffee with me. So, once we were married, he began finding ways to show love to me through coffee.
It started out a few weeks after we moved into our apartment. I was playing around with the French Press coffee maker and grinder that we received as wedding presents when I suggested that we visit the organic coffee farm up the road from our new place. After we went to their tasting room, I somehow convinced Thomas to let us buy a bag of their expensive, special roast. My plan was to start my mornings with a cup of this delicious coffee, but unfortunately I failed almost every day. Since I always woke up too late to do it myself, my husband offered to put the water on the stove to boil for me while I was still in the shower. It was a small gesture that made a big difference to me every day.
Shortly after that, however, he started taking it a step further. On the days I got up really late, he would go ahead and grind the coffee for me and set it up to brew as well. Then he started researching how to make the coffee turn out even better. He became the master of water temperature and perfect brew times for the French Press. He now pretty much covers the whole coffee process from start to finish—from remembering to buy coffee and cream when we are out, to washing out my travel mug so it is ready for the next morning. When I am heading out the door to work, he hands me a steaming cup of my favorite brew. It’s so awesome!
Although my husband puts in all this work to make my coffee, he still hardly ever drinks any himself. He makes me a perfect cup of coffee every morning, and all I ever make him is late for work. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.
There are many ways that my husband expresses his love to me—kind words, nice gifts, hugs, among other things. However, it is his simple act of making my coffee every morning that leaves me with no question about his love. My husband speaks my love language so well. I only hope that someday I will be half as good at speaking his.