I recently overheard an interesting conversation. Two girls were discussing the fact that they never intended to get married because married couples end up being boring.
I chuckled to myself. I’ve been married for nine years, and I haven’t yet found “boring” to be an accurate description of my life. But what about 29 years from now? Will my Victor and I find each other boring in another decade or two or three?
Sure, routine can be boring. But that’s why Victor and I have always made a conscious effort to put out that extra effort to mix things up a bit, both before we were married and ever since.
I remember my husband surprising me with unexpected visits or mail when we were dating long-distance. Even now, we pop into each other’s work and bring a little treat when least expected. Little acts of attention like this break up an otherwise boring day, and make us thankful that we have that special someone in our lives. Now that we are married, it makes us excited to come home to each other at the end of that boring day.
Boring is always an option; so is exciting. If married couples become boring, I say it is their own fault; and they would have become so with or without the marriage certificate.
Just a couple nights ago, I told Victor goodnight and headed out to the living room to do some work. I wanted to join him in bed, snuggle, and go to sleep earlier than usual. The thought of the mountains of work that waited for me on my laptop was depressing, and I reluctantly submitted to my boring responsibilities.
Honestly, I was annoyed at life. But Victor had just gotten a fresh haircut AND he had shaved his mustache (a little early Christmas gift that I had asked for). The haircut alone was enough to draw me to bed and to give him extra attention, but thinking of that soft, mustache-free face transformed my work from boring to painful.
About twenty minutes into my work, I got a text message. It was my sweet Victor. He invited me to join him in front of the fireplace with candles and a bagel. Of course, I was eager to get away from my boring work, but what excited me was that Victor was not another boring figure in this equation. He took the effort to get up out of bed, toast me a bagel, set up a romantic little scene for us, and to hang out with me instead of sleeping.
You can bet I didn’t get any more work done that night. But it was so worth it. We made a new memory together. We invested in our friendship and in our marriage. And part of what made this moment special were all the moments we had shared before. We both know each other and what makes the other’s day. So in the middle of the boring week, this night we shared together was not boring.
When our kids got up for school the next morning, they saw the blankets in front of the fireplace, the candles, and the empty dishes from our snacks. They were jealous to see that Daddy and I had fun last night while they were in bed.
Perhaps they will learn the value of spontaneity from us and carry it into their own marriages when they get older. I hope our kids remember that their old married parents weren’t bored with each other. I hope they realize that being married to your best friend means adventure and surprise. We want to model that for them.
My marriage isn’t boring now, and I don’t foresee it ever becoming so. The fact of the matter is that a marriage certificate is not the death knell of an exciting relationship. Attitude and heart—that’s what determines boring versus exciting.
Spontaneity and excitement are a choice. It takes work. It takes effort. But since love is real between us, we take that extra step to banish boring. Eat, work, sleep, repeat—it happens to all of us. But my marriage doesn’t factor into the monotonous loop. Our marriage is exciting because we make it so.