Marriage has brought me lots of surprises over the years, but one in particular has helped my love for my husband to deepen and grow. This surprising surprise about my marriage is that we are more on the same page than I thought.
Of course, in the earliest days of our marriage, we were running our relationship like a three-legged race. We shadowed each other. If I had to run to the store, he wanted to come too. If he had a hankering for an ice cream cone, I did too. We were like Siamese twins—inseparable. We even finished each other’s sentences.
But as the years went on, life got busy. Work schedules, children, and a hundred other commitments didn’t let us shadow each other like we used to. Since we were no longer able to do so much together, I began to believe that we were growing apart.
This was a very scary realization for me. I used to be able to read my husband like a book because we were so close. Now that we had so many other distractions in our lives, I felt that the readability that was once there was now in some secret code—a code I couldn’t break.
What was worse, I felt that he didn’t know what was going on inside of me either. Did he even have a clue as to what I was dealing with on a daily basis? Did he care?
For several months, we continued in the fog, living out life, doing what we must to get by. All the while, we didn’t communicate much. We just didn’t have the time to sit down and really talk. We got the essential information out there, but we didn’t have a lot of heart-to-heart communication going on. And so, we both were feeling that we didn’t know each other like we used to.
Thankfully, it didn’t take too long before we were both quite uncomfortable with the new normal. We decided to take the time to talk—and talk deep.
We both knew that one thing that always bonded us is that we can tell each other anything without fear. We can share the silliest and the most serious of all thoughts with each other. And when we did that again, we found out that we were still finishing each other’s sentences.
When we took the time to sit down with each other and ask what the other was thinking, it was such a sweet surprise to discover that we were indeed still on the same page. We realized all we needed was to take that extra time to show deep interest in each other, talk, and listen.
It had been so easy to just assume the worst from what we were catching at a glance from the outside. It took real effort and persistence to take hold of that busy life, force it to slow down, and rediscover the soulmate we had in each other.
My love for my husband grew deeper through that experience. I learned that I didn’t give his love enough credit. I should have known that the love we started with was special enough and strong enough to persist through the trivial interference of a busy life.
Now, I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that when life doesn’t allow us the time to follow each other around and share a root beer float, I don’t have to start doubting the intimacy of our relationship.
I feel like we now share an even more secret code. I don’t have to see Victor’s emotions on his sleeve in order to know how he feels about me.
Though we do make a point to stop and talk more deeply more often, I am pleasantly surprised to find that I don’t panic like I used to in the silence. I don’t have to wonder if my soulmate is still there.