How do you find a good man? I used to think that the right guy would just come along. I thought my job was to just wait for him to find me. But now I know that finding the right partner means being a good partner before you meet them.
Looking back, I realize that I had a lot more power than I originally knew in determining how my relationships would go.[emaillocker id=”12197″] I was blowing off school work, drinking too much, and sleeping around. Emotionally, I was miserable. In hindsight, this lifestyle greatly increased the chances of me finding the wrong kind of man. Though it seems obvious to me now, it didn’t seem obvious then.
The fact is, partying and drinking too much and having casual sex is a recipe for finding a guy who likely also drinks too much, might be irresponsible, and who takes advantage of women. And that’s pretty much what happened to me. How I was mistreated was not my fault, but the lifestyle I was leading was. We can’t control another person, of course (and we shouldn’t try), but we can do our best to become our best selves so that when a great catch comes along, we are ready for him.
That’s why the best thing I’ve ever done was walking away from that lifestyle, even going so far as to stop dating for four years. I didn’t stop dating to find a husband, but I realize now that it did help me do just that. Rather than focusing on trying to find another man, I put my energy into becoming the kind of person that I wanted to be.
I started working to take better care of myself physically, intellectually, and spiritually. In my growth, I discovered that I was no longer interested in just any cute face. I wanted someone who had the right kind of personality. I wanted someone who was kind and respectful, and who had deeper interests than finding out when the next party was.
So when I met my husband, he met a woman who was calm, responsible, and upbeat. He doesn’t drink and isn’t into wild living. I’m positive that the shy, kind guy I married wouldn’t have been attracted to my former partying self. Lucky for me when we met, I wasn’t that person any more.
Taking care of yourself isn’t a foolproof way to find a great guy, because like I said, we can’t control the actions of others. I know great women who were fooled by the wrong kind of guy. But I also know that great men are out there and how we live our lives can increase or decrease our odds of meeting them. [/emaillocker]