Growing up, I had a lot of struggles that were out of my control. I was emotionally and physically unstable because of my bipolar disorder. I often felt rejected by my family because of this. I also noticed that my half brother was not like me. He never argued, and was good in school and at home. I tried to hide myself. But the medication I was on made it impossible for me to not show the struggles was dealing with. This was very difficult for me, and only made me feel more insecure.
Eventually, my grandma took custody of me. At that time, I felt like I wasn’t good enough or that there was something about me that even my own family didn’t like. My grandma gave me the love and attention I always wanted. She didn’t judge me, and because of that, and my experiences in counseling, I started to feel normal and accepted. That is when I started to become strong. It’s also how I’ve come to understand this important truth: loving yourself is very important to overcoming your past and making a better life for yourself.
When I was young, I didn’t believe I was worthy enough for anything. Because of that lack of self-esteem, I was getting bad grades, getting into fights with other students, and was even expelled from school.
When I started to love myself and started trying to forgive my mom, I started to get good grades and no longer fought with others.
Before, I didn’t have a job. Now, I have a job that I work at a lot, and another job I’m about to start. A lot of things are going smoothly and I’m building a life for myself. My relationships are better too. As I’ve written about before, my past relationships were riddled with trust issues.
I take better care of myself, too. I get my nails done, style my hair, and just generally am working to build confidence in my life.
I’m still insecure in some ways—healing is a long process. But I’m more confident than I was before. I’m not trying to impress others by doing all of this; I’m doing it because it’s good for me and because I want to create happy memories in my life.
It’s amazing how when you start loving yourself things really change and finally understood you are good enough, and that you can do good things. We all have stuff we’re insecure about, but it’s how we work on those that make the big difference.
Life will get better; you can get stronger when you accept who you are and your worth. No matter what struggles we face, we are all deserving of a happy life.