Sometimes I’m tempted to get discouraged. I watch other couples meet and get married and have children, but I’m still waiting for my future husband. So when I have a crush on a guy, and it doesn’t work out, it’s easy to feel discouraged. As I was reflecting on my disappointment about a former guy of interest, I thought of five do’s and don’ts.
1. Don’t Compare.
There is a phrase “compare and despair.” When I ran into my former crush with his woman beside him, my thoughts quickly raced ahead to wanting to look at her attributes and then to put myself or her down. This would neither change the situation nor would it be a kind way to think of myself or others. Love is attractive. I need to let this be an opportunity to grow in love by striving to think well of my former crush and by calling to mind the good qualities that he, his woman, and I have.
2. Don’t Give Up.
Even though it did not work out the way I had hoped with this particular man, I need to believe that God has someone better for me. Perhaps the guy I liked was not the right fit for me. With another former interest, I realized later that he had a tendency to be a perfectionist in his expectations of people. I am hard enough as it is on myself. I don’t need anyone else helping me to feel like I’m not good enough, thank you! Move on mentally. Don’t give up hope.
3. Don’t Settle.
After my big plans to date someone come crashing down, I could give in and date just any guy that moves, or to ask out the next man who walks through the grocery store door. When this starts sounding like a good idea to me, I need to remember my dignity and what I am seeking in a man. The right (single!) man is worth the wait and I am worth waiting for him.
4. Don’t Give Away My Heart Too Soon.
If I have barely spoken to a guy of interest or haven’t even gone out on a date with him yet, I shouldn’t be daydreaming already about “our” wedding and life together! While vulnerability is good in the right context, so is guarding the heart. I need to not conclude that someone is “the one” right away and start to give too much of my heart away before he has shown that he wants to receive it.
5. Don’t Take It Personally.
A man could have ended up with someone else for many reasons. Perhaps he had been interested in this other woman before I had ever even entered the picture? Maybe he was not single after all when I started to “fall in love”? (This seemed to be the case with one or more former crushes I’ve had.) Maybe he was clueless that I was into him (and that I was planning our wedding!)? Maybe he thought that I’d never date him?
Beating myself up over what may or may not be true, or over what I should or shouldn’t have done isn’t going to help me. Neither is overanalysis or focusing on what this apparent rejection may mean. Rather, I need to love myself and him as a person (but not as a romantic interest!) and prepare my heart for someone better for me.
It’s tempting to feel discouraged after a disappointment in love–but there is a better way. I choose to trust that God has a plan for me and that if it’s not with Crush #10, then it will be with Crush #11, who will in the end be better for me. We deserve the best and the best is yet to come.
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