“What did you think of him?” I eagerly asked one of my best friends after she spent the weekend with my me and my boyfriend. She replied, “He’s nice, but I don’t think Mary liked him. She didn’t like how he treated you.”
As soon as those words came out of my friend’s mouth, my eyes got big. I could feel my temperature suddenly rise from anger. “Who did she think she was to judge him so harshly? Couldn’t my friends just be happy for me?” I thought to myself.
I cannot even remember if I verbalized my feelings right then. All I remember is that I was angry and wanted to avoid my friend, Mary. I was mad that she wasn’t willing to tell me her opinion or concerns to my face, and I felt as though she had judge his character unfairly.
For a few months, Mary and I didn’t talk much. I think I was slightly embarrassed to ask her why she didn’t like my boyfriend and part of me didn’t want to hear her opinion.
It wasn’t until my boyfriend and I broke up several months later that I was able to ask my friend Mary why she had felt the way she had about my then boyfriend. She mentioned that he seemed to say things just to irritate or make fun of me and he didn’t seem to respect my values.
Although I didn’t completely agree with her, I did see where she had been coming from and I appreciated her honesty. If he or I were irritating one another or disrespectful of the other’s values at such an early part of our relationship, it was a bad sign for a possible future.
Even though I believe this ex is a well-intentioned man, I also know that we definitely were not right for one another. I wish Mary had shared her concerns with me directly. But the truth is, I chose to be immature about the situation and didn’t really give her a chance to. In that moment, I probably should have gone to her and asked her what she thought about him and our relationship.
Sometimes it’s really hard to hear the differing opinions of friends or family members when it comes to relationships. I know that I can rationalize things so much that the truth becomes very distorted. However, I firmly believe that it’s more important to be honest with those whom we love.
Looking back, I am grateful that my friend cared enough about me to speak what she believed was the truth. Although, I wasn’t ready to hear it at the time, I hope in the future I can give my friends and family more space to give me their opinions. And mindful of the love they have for me, I hope I can properly consider their opinions as I consider my relationships.