Growing in Love, Not Growing Apart

My husband and I got married when I was 20 and he was 21. We were, and still are, finding out who we are.

In those five years we have gotten married, had two (soon to be three) babies, and moved a couple of times. These changes in circumstance have changed us as people. Does that mean that we will inevitably drift apart?

My husband was both going to school and working, full-time. We also had a newborn and a toddler. Many days we were up very early and we couldn’t go to bed until late at night because there was just so much to do. After months going on autopilot, we looked at each other on my husband’s graduation day and realized we were on different planets. We had let our relationship drift apart farther than we knew.

I’ve learned if you let work and life get in the way, it’s easy to drift apart and slowly start living separate lives. But I don’t think it’s inevitable. You cannot expect for everything to stay the same after years and years.  But I don’t think that means that our love for each other has to fade. We grow and change as people, and a successful marriage will grow and adapt to those changes.

Looking back at how busy we were, if I had to do it all over again, I would make our relationship a main priority. That’s something we’re learning to do now. There’s always something new to discover about each other. There are always ways to grow in love for each other.

I’ve learned finding all of the new things I love about my spouse is the easiest way to grow closer to him. There are lots of ways to make time for quality time that will help you rediscover your spouse. Whether it’s a designated date night or playing games with each other or just sitting on the couch after the children go to bed, my husband and I have learned that that’s what keeps our marriage working.

I’m finding that despite all these changes in our lives, the most important things have stayed the same. I remember when we first started dating that one of the things I loved about him was how he always made me want to be a better person. He treated me so well, it made me want to keep bettering myself. Since I saw him constantly trying to better himself, I wanted to do the same.

When I look at my husband, who is now a father, there are so many new things I love about him. Some of the things I have always loved about him, like how hardworking, selfless, and loving he is, have just grown since we got married and had children. To see how much he loves me and our babies makes me love him so much more!

We started dating when I was nineteen. Now almost five years later I am so happy to admit that we still date and relearn each other every day. Because we want to be together forever we are happy to put in the work to fall in love with each other every day. We’re growing together, not apart.

Written By
More from Victoria

One Way to Reconnect with Your Spouse

As I’ve written previously, my husband and I have been trying to...
Read More