I found myself dreading the upcoming weekend with my boyfriend. I had committed to going to a football game with my boyfriend, but I knew that meant getting enveloped in the excitement of “game day.” I like to have a good time, but to be honest, being with a bunch of people I don’t know very well, who are all just sitting around drinking, is not my ideal day.
The night before the game, he called me up to make more concrete plans. During our conversation,I told my boyfriend how I was feeling about our plans for the weekend. I was a little concerned that I would feel really uncomfortable or isolated; I had never met his friends and I felt that there was a lot of pressure on me to impress everyone.
At one point he said to me, “I want you to have a good time, but I am not going to babysit you.”
I don’t think I was being a “clingy” girlfriend. But I wanted to be reassured that he cared for me and would do his best to make me feel comfortable.
What did that mean? I thought to myself. “You’re not going to ‘babysit me?” I asked him.
“Yes, as in, I want you to be there, but I’ve planned this weekend with my friends for a long time, and I want to have a good time with them,” he told me.
Almost immediately after that conversation, I made the decision that we needed to break up. If he was going to prioritize his friends over me, then our relationship wasn’t going to grow.
That night we did break up. As I’ve looked back on that relationship, I’ve realized that we were both at very different points in our lives, and we wanted different things. He wasn’t prepared to commit to our relationship. I, on the other hand, was only interested in dating if I believed that there was potential for something permanent.
Even though we went our separate ways, I learned a lot by dating him. I think that relationship helped me to see what I need out of a romantic relationship: commitment, loyalty, and a man who loves me just as much as I love him.