I remember sitting on my bed a couple of years ago having a conversation with my husband Adam, who was standing in the doorway. We were both a bit snippy, frustrated, and tired. I just wanted him to go away.
For the passed few months it seemed like one little argument after another. I was exhausted and irritated. It wasn’t how I imagined our marriage. We were unhappy, granted only for a couple of months, but how did that happen? How did we get there?
Really, it was a few things. We were nearing the first birthday of our second child, and the first year after a new baby is always a little harder on us. Adam had also been working a lot of evenings and weekends, which made it difficult for us to stay connected. And I was struggling internally with insecurities and past wounds that I unknowingly projected on him.
Our marriage wasn’t ugly, but it wasn’t perfect, either. The honeymoon stage was over. We were disenchanted, disillusioned. We were where the majority of couples will find themselves at one point or another.
We both realized something had to change. We talked about where we wanted our marriage to be and started brainstorming how to get there. We began by making time to sit down and just talk about what was going on in our hearts.
As my husband and I continued to work on our relationship, our love deepened. Things got better, better than they had been before. In the midst of work and family life we had set our relationship on cruise control. And we learned that meant we weren’t ready for the speed bumps on the road ahead.
Our commitment to remain faithful through thick and thin and to always choose to love each other, sustained us through our speed bump, our growing pains.
That difficult time was a gift because it forced us to go deeper, to love greater, and to hope fiercer. Now every time we find ourselves getting consumed with too many “other” things, or drifting away from each other, we stop and reconnect, asking each other what we need and how we want to be loved.
For us it was like we had come as far as we could on what we had given, yet we both wanted more and knew it could be better—we could be better! No one wants a mediocre love story, we want the exceptional, the kind of love that’s passed down through generations. Hopefully someday Adam and I will have that. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but after enough growing pains, hopefully we’ll make it.
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