Lately I haven’t been able to spend much time with my boyfriend due to both of us working opposite schedules. I work during the day for a farm bakery, where I bake pies, peel and cut apples, and pick produce. My boyfriend works second shift for a company that makes brakes for cars.
So, by the weekend I’m craving his attention and affection something fierce. I want to talk and cuddle and just spend time with him. I want to be noticed and paid attention to. But it’s difficult for that to happen when we’re both tired from working so much, and when he often works overtime, sometimes even on weekends. I miss him.
We’ve got a lot responsibility. I work, take care of the kids, take care of the house, and make sure my boyfriend is taken care of before I even think about myself, and my boyfriend works, takes care of his son, and in his spare time is working to fix his car which broke down. Is it even possible to make time for us, as a couple?
As the saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Now we just need to figure out the way. Here are a few ideas I’ve tried:
- Make time to check in with each other, even if it is inconvenient. My boyfriend gets off work around 3 a.m. Sometimes I go to bed early and set my alarm for 3 a.m. just to see how his day was. And then I go back to sleep.
- Write love notes. Another way is texting him while he’s at work. He calls me on his lunch break most days. I leave him little notes in his lunch box saying, “Have a great day,” or just to let him know I love him.
- Plan ahead. When you don’t have much time, scheduling and planning becomes more important. As much as I love spontaneity, you can’t always be spontaneous when you’re busy. Plus, planning ahead gives you something to look forward to. A few weekends ago my boyfriend knew that he would be off work, so I arranged for my kids to stay with family so that we could have a special date out for dinner and a movie. At dinner it was nice to be able to actually have a conversation without interruptions. We found ourselves dreaming about the future together. Those kinds of conversations are difficult to have unless you actually set aside special time to have them.
Just because you’ve been together for awhile doesn’t mean that you should stop dating each other. You still need to make time to get to know each other, to ask tough questions, to talk about your relationship and how to make it stronger.
Continuing to intentionally make time for each other–instead of just getting comfortable and taking each other for granted–will help you to better trust each other, better respect each other, and better love each other. Over time, the honest conversations that you have and the patience and understanding and forgiveness that you give to each other during those conversations can move a relationship from fear and jealousy to security.
Being intentional in your relationship instead of complacent can also help you figure out if you are ready for the commitment of marriage and the next step in your relationship.
It’s very hard, but I love my boyfriend–so I’m going to find ways to spend time with him. Even with everyday life and hectic schedules there is always a way to make time for someone you love. Even if it’s only for an hour, it is still an important way to show how much you do truly care for that person.