I Am Worthy Of Love

I always feel so inspired when I see those little flowers growing in the cracks of sidewalks. They have taught me an important lesson: Even something as fragile as a flower can overcome something as unforgiving as concrete.

Whenever I used to talk about my painful past in therapy or to a close friend, I often would be flooded with all the sad, scared emotions of my past. It was easy to get too caught up in the healing process and to become stuck in the past. In his wisdom, my counselor would wrap up every session by reminding me of what I wanted or needed to do that day, bringing me back to the present. Those reality checks he and my friends gave me served as reminders of where I am now: a much better place than before.

Over time, I started to want to be in an even better place, and to live a better life than the one I was leading. I started to want things, have hopes and dreams for myself. In other words, I didn’t want to hide in my past anymore. Instead, I wanted to bloom, like those flowers in the concrete.

So what did I do? I sat down, wrote down all the good things I have and all the good things I wanted in my life. I kept pictures of those things I hoped for on my phone and on my fridge. I started to make plans, keeping them with me and taking them out at least once a day to figure out ways I can make them real. They are constant reminders of who I am and who I want to be. 

I want to make a meaningful career in creative arts. I want to get married someday to a really good man who treats me with respect. Those are the big ones; I also have smaller dreams, like having a dog, or doing something this holiday season that’ll make people I love happy.

I no longer look at them sadly as things I can’t ever have. Now, I can’t help but smile hopefully at the dreams, big and small, that I want to come true. Seeing them there, checking each one off one at a time, tells me that I’m not completely helpless in this life as I was in the past.

I’m planning on doing more creatively. I am writing here and now; that dream is starting to come true. Little by little, I am giving myself a much brighter future, one truer to who I am, and not what my past experiences taught me to be.

By keeping true to my hopes and dreams, I learn more and more the truth that was always there: I am worthy of a happy life. I am worthy of those people in my life who love and support me, even if I don’t always understand or believe them. I am worthy of respect. I am worthy of love.

Anastasia

is a daytime worker and nighttime artist who loves the simple things. She draws and writes to make sense of all the hurt in the world, hoping to offer healing and understanding for anyone who follows her journey. I believe in love because it breathes life into everything.
Anastasia
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