I Believe In Love Pro Tip #3: Don’t Have A “Type”

Do you find yourself looking for a “type”?

You will often hear woman or men explain they want to date or want to marry a particular type of person. You hear, I want to meet someone who is tall, or blonde, or from a particular place or background, and the one that cracks me up every time, I want to meet someone who is “intelligent.”red logo ibil

I used to work with a guy who talked a lot about his dating life and would go on at length about the “type” of woman he wanted to meet. I often thought his way of approaching a relationship had less to do with what he needed in his life than it had to do with his shaky self-image and what he wanted other people to see or think about him. One day I stopped him in mid-sentence and said, “Dude, are you looking for a woman or deciding on what breed of puppy you want to adopt??” I happen to know that guy still has not found “his type of girl.” But he did adopt a dog.

Here’s the point. If you find yourself type-casting as a habit, stop and think. Of course, it is not wrong to have opinions and preferences. But ask yourself, is picking a “type” the way you go about choosing your friends? Probably not. Of course friends are friends and a girlfriend is a girlfriend, but they are still all supposed to be friends.

Some single guys tend to automatically stereotype potential partners like it’s the most natural thing in the world, but would never stereotype potential friends. Have you ever heard someone say, I want a friend who has red hair, I don’t want a friend who is overweight, I want only a friend with white teeth, and, of course, I will only have a friend who is “intelligent.”?

In most cases, you got to become friends with someone because you shared something with them, a neighborhood, a high school or college, a personality type, a church, a workplace, a hang out, and—maybe most importantly—time. And you did it all without a rigid mental checklist of physical, spiritual, religious, socio-economic, political, racial, financial or other demographic or personal characteristics.

Just to be clear, of course it is smart to be selective, to have likes and dislikes in meeting potential partners. But be open to examining your assumptions and attitudes about “type.” You are dealing with humans, not picking a puppy. Running your dating life looking for a “type” of girl for its own sake will more likely lead to a to a string of mediocre dates, maybe even mediocre relationships, and little lasting satisfaction or success.

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