A year ago, I dated a guy who made me feel inadequate. Even though I told myself I was in a good relationship, it always seemed like I was ever good enough for him.
He made me feel like something was wrong with because I didn’t share his desire to lead a decadent, materialistic lifestyle. You would think that I would have started to see red flags when he compared me to his ex-girlfriend, but I stuck it out for a little while. After several months, we grew completely apart and decided to break up. It took me a really long time to admit that it had never been right to begin with.
A year later, I moved to a new city, changed careers, and began to allow myself to heal. Yet, the effects of that relationship still remained. When I first met my current boyfriend, I was really hesitant to be myself around him. I felt a need to impress him. At first, I tried to cook fancy meals and always look perfectly put together. As much as I liked him and felt appreciated by him, I was still scared to truly let him in. I asked myself, ‘Would I be enough?’
One night after making a simple dinner together (mac and cheese and frozen vegetables), he said, “I think this is my favorite meal thus far.” I realized this guy was completely different. He didn’t seemed to care whether or not I had my nails done or wore expensive clothing. And as long as we were making dinner together, it didn’t seem to matter if we were eating at a fancy restaurant or boxed mashed potatoes. I smiled, relieved he wanted me for me.
Love means accepting people for who they are, not for who you think they should be. I am slowly learning that love is a gift that can only be received, never something I should feel I have to earn. I’m have my flaws, but I’m growing. My boyfriend isn’t perfect either. But for now, he’s just what I need. I am enough.