I’m a father, and I have a dream. In less than a month, my second daughter will be born, and it’s got me thinking about that dream again. I also have nightmares, but let me tell you about my dream first.
My dream is my family. The first time I became a father, it changed who I was. I was hooked on meth, and it changed my life completely. Not a single thing in my life is the same from before she was born till after. I don’t even look the same! Friends, they changed. Family, they changed. Everybody treated me like a kid until I had my first kid. But after that they expected a lot out of me—and they have a right to. You gotta think: I went from not having a care in the world to finding out that I had a baby on the way. I totally changed. And with my second one on the way any day, I see it as an opportunity to change even more so that I can get that much closer to the dream I have for my family.
For my kids, well, I don’t want them spoiled—but I want them spoiled to a point. I want them coming to their daddy and asking for stuff. I never want them to want for anything—but at the same time I don’t want them demanding things. I want them comfortable and to have what they need. But mostly I want my kids to be happy. We don’t need to be rich to be happy (though I’m not saying there is anything wrong with money). I just want them to be comfortable and safe with a roof over our head and food in our tummies.
A year from now, I want to be working on renting our first house. I want another car for my fiancée, Jazmin. I want a decent job. I don’t want to worry about how I’m going to get diapers for next week. I want more financial security.
How am I going to achieve this dream?
It’s simple: work my ass off, and start saving up. Jazzie just went on maternity leave, so I’m going to take two jobs: one job to pay the bills, and the other job to save. And when income tax time comes, we’re going to save it so we have enough to rent a house. We’re tired of jumping from place to place. We want a home that we can call our own.
But in order for that to happen, I need to advance in a company—something that I haven’t done in my previous jobs. I want to stay at a job long enough so that I can make a job out of it and make $16 an hour with health insurance and a retirement plan. The bottom line is that in order for me to advance in a company, I need to stay at a job for a while. And I am determined to do exactly that.
Don’t get me wrong, there are going to be obstacles. The time away from the kids—that alone is going to kill me, and affect our children. I don’t want them to think that I’m never there. I don’t want them to get used to Daddy not being there. I want them to want me around. I want my children to know that I love them the same. And I want Jazzie to know that, too. I don’t want to just start thinking about my job and my kids, and forget about her. Because without her, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this. I want to make sure to explain to them that I am doing this because of my love for them, and my want for us as a family to have a better life.
With my second daughter on the way any day now, I won’t lie: I’m a little scared. Right now, I got two people that require my constant devotion. I barely got a minute to breathe by myself; they require my constant attention. So what I am going to do when I got three?
Well, all I can do is what’s within my power: and right now, that means working for love. The first time I became a father, it changed who I was. Now, I know what to expect, I know kind of what to do when the time arises. I’m not a kid anymore. I have cares in this world, like my fiancée and my two daughters. It’s time to take this family to the next level. It’s time to work for family, work to put food on the table, work to put gas in the car, work to buy diapers. It’s time to keep working for love.