At times a woman may avoid a guy because she really is not interested in him, but other times, strangely, a woman may do it because she is! This can understandably be quite frustrating. Yes, I ignore you because I like you and I am not the only woman who tends to do this.
A friend of mine once told me that she has tried this “ignoring guys” strategy for 15 years and it has not yet worked. I am beginning to wonder just how many women (and men) play this game.
Why do I do it? I ignore men because I want to be pursued. Having a guy take the lead in making the first move and having him repeatedly make an effort to show interest in me helps me to feel more assured that he sees goodness and worth in me. It helps me to feel wanted and loved, allows fears of rejection to decrease, and enables me to better open my heart to the possibility of forming a relationship with him.
I want to be loved, but I also don’t want to get hurt. I want to be treated with gentleness and reverence, especially where I may feel most vulnerable. It can at times lead me to do a strange dance –taking a step forward and then taking a step away from forming a possible dating relationship. For instance, not so long ago, I made an attempt to strike up a conversation with a guy I was interested in, I said something ridiculous, became embarrassed, and then started talking to another guy who was unavailable and therefore “safe” for me to talk to. That was probably a confusing performance!
It’s okay and natural to desire to be pursued, but I realize now that it’s important to remain open to men who may want to show interest. If a woman appears to be uninterested, then a man may very well think that this is the case and be hesitant in taking the lead to pursue her. If there is a man I am interested in, then I shouldn’t ignore him—even if my true desire is to be pursued. As a woman, I want to be a place of welcome for him, a person of receptivity. By my presence and interactions with him, I too need to give him the assurance that I see goodness and worth within him.
Do you have a desire to be pursued? How do you handle it?