When my husband and I were dating we had many hurdles to overcome because of trust issues I had with men.
I always feared that I wouldn’t be enough to keep their interest for long and that they would leave me brokenhearted once someone else caught their eye. My husband didn’t always know exactly how to make it easier for me to trust him. But he helped me by eventually showing me our relationship took priority over everything else.
My boyfriend was friends with some his exes and was even on the same sports team with one of them. At first he thought it was okay because he knew he wouldn’t cheat on me no matter who he was around.
In his mind, he wasn’t hanging out with her. He was only there to compete in the league. But she was there to compete too, only it was with me. I knew she had sent him inappropriate text messages to win him back. He did tell her to only text him about things related to the team, but it would rock my world every time he would go to one of his games. And I didn’t trust that I was enough to keep him from leaving.
I wanted him to quit the team because the whole situation made me really uncomfortable. This led to a lot of tearful fights. He felt like I wanted to take something away from him because of something he didn’t do, that there was no threat no matter how she felt about him because he didn’t reciprocate her feelings anymore. I felt like he wasn’t taking my feelings and my fears seriously.
This was a make or break moment for our relationship. I left the choice up to him, telling him that I would understand if he walked away. I knew I needed to overcome my fears, but I also knew I wouldn’t find the security I needed while he was around his ex.
He found another league to play on and stopped participating in the one with his ex. He showed me his relationship with me was his priority. He showed me he was committed.
It took time for him to realize what I needed and he chose to adjust his way of life for me in some ways. There were days we were both frustrated, days he had to take a step back because he didn’t know how to handle my insecurities. But his willingness to come back and search for a solution helped me heal overtime. Knowing he had my best interests at heart helped me move past some of my insecurities, that I could trust in his love for me.
Our commitment to one another, even during the tough times, gave me hope that I could trust men. It made me believe there was a possibility for lifelong love. I have made great strides in overcoming my insecurities and my trust issues since my husband and I married! But my husband’s commitment to me helped me to achieve a level of healing that I never thought possible.
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