Dating can bring you down sometimes.
I find that I start thinking there is no one out there for me or is something wrong with me?
Pretty much every possible scenario I begin to dream up, makes me just want a quart of double chocolate fudge ice cream and sweatpants.
But sometimes I have to remind myself that there are good guys out there. That I have met some really great guys and been on some really awesome dates. I’ve have multiple “the one that got away” stories, but I think everything happens for a reason and that I am grateful from what I have learned along the way.
The first time I laid eyes on him I was running on a treadmill in the gym he trained in. I was instantly hooked. 5”10, dark hair, dark eyes, African American and Puerto Rican, in the strength and conditioning profession, compassionate, loving, the BEST hugger ever, I could keep going….. His soft smile, tan skin and muscular physique immediately drew me in. We worked at the same complex and let’s just say with a little friends to friends help, and some fate, he and I ended up being pool partners at a bar one night…the same night of our 1st kiss!
We started dating after that night and he was always thoughtful, romantic in his own way and truly caring. But my favorite date is the one I always go back to when thinking about the kind of man I’m looking for.
After a 12 hour day working in the hot Florida weather, I finally had a minute to breathe and check my cell phone. I had seen him briefly in passing, but it was just long enough for me to complain about it being hot outside and a long day. I had one message on my phone and it was from him. Just seeing his name on that screen made me smile.
“Hey babe! I know you had a really long day. I’m making you dinner so come over when you’re ready.”
How did I get so lucky!? I excitedly called him back. While on the phone, he reminded me to grab some milk on my way since he and I love cookies and milk. But he drank whole milk and I drink skim. Therefore, dates always included a stop at the gas station to pick up a small one of each.
I arrived and knocked on the door, and was greeted with a kiss and one of his “best hugs ever.” He greeted me like this every time. It wasn’t just the 1st date or when we hadn’t seen each other in a while. Every time he saw me was a kiss and a hug. He missed me, truly! I felt that every time and was one of the things I loved most about him.
I walked in and dinner was just about ready. We sat down at the table, ate dinner and talked about our day. After we were both finished, we washed the dishes and then he made us four slice and bake cookies. We ate our cookies and drank our respective milks while watching SportCenter cuddled up on the couch.
Yep, that was my best date ever. It may sound anticlimactic, but it made me realize all the things that I’m actually looking for in a partner.
He paid attention to my needs that day. He knew it was a tough day and did something to make me feel better. He greeted me with excitement, kindness and love. He was the kind of guy I didn’t have to guess if he liked me. He made it clear. We shared things that we both loved. Our date wasn’t fancy—cookies and SportsCenter—but it was something truly ours to share.
That simple, cozy night still brings tears to my eyes because of how personal it was. I don’t need something expensive, big or fancy. I just need someone that wants to be present with me. Someone that lets me be me and helps bring that smile back to my face when I have a day that it’s hard to find.
As you probably realized since I’m writing the dating blog, and not the married blog we are not together anymore. It was an interesting (one of those long story) endings. But at the end of the day, he is an amazing man who taught me how to love and be loved. And, a really good date!
So next time you start thinking those dating downers, stop and take a minute to think about your best date ever. Think about how you felt in that moment and the qualities of the person you were with. That’s what you want and you had it once so you know it’s out there. Dating’s tough but remembering that we are lovable and that more amazing moments are only ahead of us will help at least reduce desire for a quart of ice cream to a pint!