If Your Goal Is To Not Have Sex Yet, Do This

Some people are funny when it comes to sex: ask them to go six months without sex and you’d think you asked them to go without eating or drinking water. But there’s an obvious difference here: if you stop eating or drinking, you’ll die.  But sex is different.  You won’t die from sexual deprivation; trust me, I would know.

Flickr/Genaro Orengo
Flickr/Genaro Orengo

That being said, in certain situations sexual desire can seem impossible to resist. But in my experience, the best way to resist the desire for sex is to just avoid those certain situations all together.

Most of us have experienced these difficult situations first hand, so we know the drill. You meet a girl at the bar.  You’re drinking, you’re dancing, you decide to go back to your/her place…  DANGER!  DANGER!  DANGER! Then there is the all too common first date situation.  Same rules apply.  You’re out for dinner, you have a few glasses of wine, you go back to your/her place…  DANGER!  DANGER!  DANGER!

Is it possible to avoid sex when you find yourself in a vulnerable situation?  Sure.  But if the goal is to not have sex, you’re just setting yourself up for failure.

1. Avoid private, comfortable places late at night, especially when alcohol is involved.  When’s the last time you saw anybody stone-cold sober having sex in a public, uncomfortable place in broad daylight?  Hopefully never. So don’t go home with somebody!  Keeping this rule can be hard when you are out late at night drinking and dancing, but this probably means you should think about what sort of drinking (and dancing) can lead to heading home together at the end of the night. So go ahead and kiss her on the front porch.  Or on a park bench.  Or at that lookout point at the end of the hiking trail.  I could go on.  But on your king-sized bed after closing down the club?  DANGER!  DANGER!  DANGER!

 2. Realize roommates are your allies in this case.  The guys I live with have a “no women overnight” rule.  Sure, it’s a pain at times, but it really does help keep us from doing anything we’ll regret.  And we never have to worry about potential awkward moments.  Even if you don’t have roommates, it’s a good rule to live by.

 3. Communicate with the woman in your life.  Talk about it and don’t beat around the bush.  Set firm physical limits (no pun intended).  And if she’s not willing to support you in this, then you need to think hard about if she’s the right one.  Remember, this isn’t just about you, you’re doing it for her, your relationship now, and also for your marriage… whether it’s with her or with someone else. Once you have developed a strong unity in this goal, you can keep each other accountable.  Sometimes you won’t be as strong as you need to be, but that’s when she can be strong for you, and vice versa.

 4. You can have romance without the sex. I have found that it is helpful to remind myself that there’s plenty of romance that can be enjoyed before marriage… and there’s plenty of sex that can be enjoyed once I’m married. The truth is, unmarried romance will very likely look different than married romance, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  It might just mean that you have something even greater to look forward to in marriage.

Eventually, certain situations won’t be such risks for you anymore.  Just realize that nobody’s perfect or beyond temptation, and act accordingly.  If you do make a mistake, talk about it, make the necessary adjustments, and resolve to be better the next time.

And realize you’re not alone!  As much as it may seem like everyone who dates is also having sex, remember that plenty of people are working hard for, and have achieved, the same things you want in a relationship.  And it’s well worth it.

Isaac

Isaac lives in Minnesota and feels a particular (obsessive?) allegiance to his local sports teams.He's on board with the I Believe in Love project because he knows a man is at his best when loving a woman... even if he's still looking for that special someone.
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1 Comment

  • Excellent Post! Abstinence until marriage is well worth the wait, for both man & woman.
    Even kissing is a big danger zone, because it always leads to more. Not the quick peck on the cheek kiss, but the long, sensual kissing is what definitely ignites the desire for more passion…

    GO Vikings!

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