I’m a very strong-willed, “don’t tell me what to do” kind of woman. That’s why in college I knew I wanted—no, needed—a man who could respectfully stand up to me and challenge me when I’m wrong.
Not what you were expecting, right? Other women may want someone who acquiesces to their every whim and wish, but not me. I’ve always known that I would need someone who had a strong mind, someone who would challenge me and who wasn’t afraid to tell me I’m wrong and push me to be better. I needed a man who was my equal. In fact, I once turned down a second date (perhaps unfairly) with a perfectly sweet and caring guy only because I feared I’d walk all over him.
When I went out with my husband for the first time I was enthralled by his playful banter. When I told him that I despised his favorite sport of wrestling, he quickly claimed its superiority over all other sports. He argued that it’s the only sport referenced in the Bible. I wasn’t convinced, but I was impressed that he didn’t back down—he wasn’t phased by our disagreement. Adam’s eyes danced, and he flashed a smile. He was clearly enjoying himself.
I wanted someone who wasn’t afraid to stand up to my strong personality and lovingly tell me when I’m wrong. So I ended up with Adam, a man who majored in philosophy and has a deep love of logic.
Adam’s mind and fun-loving heart are two of the things that made me fall in love with him. He challenged my viewpoints from day one, pushing and prodding me to think more deeply about life. I knew he wouldn’t let me settle for anything less than my very best.
Fast forward to now, after almost seven years of marriage, and I sigh with a smile: I should have been careful what I wished for!
I’ll admit his love for debate can sometimes wear me down. Especially after a long day, I don’t always have the energy for it. I also tend to more quickly involve my feelings in a disagreement, which can cause hurt feelings and frustration. If he’s just arguing a point for fun, Adam will apologize if the debate stresses me out. We move on from the discussion and on with our day. If we truly need to talk about a particular topic, we will put the conversation on hold until we are both ready.
Thankfully, Adam isn’t the type of guy who seeks out an argument, or argues out of anger. But he doesn’t shy away from an argument either. To him, arguing is a delightful sport based on principles, not feelings. To him it’s not about winning. It is about sincerely seeking truth and sharing that journey with others.
While some may view debates as sowing discord, in our relationship our disagreements are an opportunity to refine our outlook on the world around us and the goals we have for our family. He likes to respectfully and calmly discuss ideas, beliefs, and philosophies from all aspects of life—and he often does so playfully. It’s meant that we’re constantly learning together, challenging each other, and growing more in unity.
We make each other better. He needs me just like I need him. Some of our arguments are still ridiculous, like whether wrestling is the greatest sport in the history of the world. We’re not bound to agree on everything. One thing is certain, though, I couldn’t agree more that we are right for each other.