I was not expecting to lose my virginity at 21 years old. I’ve always wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, but honestly, it has been a very long road and hard challenge to really look at the inside heart of a woman because of how pretty she might look on the outside.
So many people look at the outside. Yes, I know it’s very normal to be attracted to the opposite sex. But why is that the first thing that has to come to mind? I just think about it and I’ve noticed that in conversations with women, it’s easy for my heart and mind to be focused on my sexual desires. But I want a true heart connection with someone, and with that person, a true connection to God.
Some people reading this might not think about that as a big deal. But I do. Because what about love? And what about the spiritual connection that happens in sex?
One time I had sex with a woman I thought I liked, and I thought I liked her through the sexual pleasure. Not one time did I think about a spiritual connection with that woman until after the fact—that when you are sexual with another person you have a soul connection. And if you know you’re not supposed to be with that person, that soul connection can be dangerous.
I want an honest and lasting soul connection with a woman. Just like I know Jesus loves me in every way imaginable, I want to love a woman that same way. I want her to know how much I love not only how she looks, but I love her heart. To be even more honest, I want the woman to know that I want to save my intimacy and sexual love for after marriage.
Why do I want to do that?
Because then I know that I’m having sex with someone that I’ve made commitment to love for a lifetime. With sex, you release a lot of endorphins and tension. You share your body and emotions and feelings with that person. Having sex is a great gift—but the problem is when we take advantage of that gift. And before marriage, I think too many people take advantage of people’s hearts.
I’ve found that in sex I become truly connected and soul-tied with a person that I think I love—but what if they don’t love me? It’s unfair to the person that thinks there is true love going on. But with marriage, a couple makes a promise to always love each other. So there can be no doubt that both people are committed to each other. And in the security of that commitment, sex is a great gift.
I’m not pointing fingers at other people; I’m talking to myself as much as anyone. I know that most people have not waited until marriage to have sex, and I’m no different. I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, and we fall every day. It’s how we get up and keep moving forward is what matters most.
But it is a hard battle that I have to face: to let love conquer lust. And I want everyone that may read this to understand that none of us are alone with this struggle. This is a common struggle everywhere around the world—and people need to hear what true love and integrity really is. I hope you all can relate and agree that love is a powerful thing. It can be good—or it can be dangerous if we take advantage of the love for that person. We all have emotions and we all have feelings and spirits. And in sex, souls meet and make a connection.
Women are beautiful, but I want to look at their beauty with an eye toward that eternal part of them. I want to let love conquer lust.