I know there are a lot of people that had a tough time growing up and dwell on it like I do. People always bring up their happy childhood memories during conversation, but I find it hard to listen to their stories. I felt neglected and lonely growing up, so hearing these stories as an adult makes me feel like I missed out.
I wish I had a childhood filled with sleepovers, visits with my friends, and just doing normal kid things. Instead, I had to worry about which of my family members wanted to take care of me until I was 18. I didn’t feel like my mother was there for me and relatives stopped inviting me to family events because I have bipolar disorder. I have struggled with the fear that if they can’t be there for me and love me and care for me for the issues I was born with then no one can.
‘Who will love me and be there for me?’ is a question that haunts me to this day.
It takes time to overcome a difficult childhood. But the thing is, life goes on. I’m still working on trying to catch up for all the things I missed out on as a kid. But working on the future is way better than living in the past. There are tons of new opportunities to make happy memories.
You can’t forget the past but you can focus on how to make a better future for yourself. It’s not easy, I know it’s not. I don’t have answers right now, but I’m working towards them. My goal is to make amazing memories and do something great in my life that will make up for all the things I’ve missed out on. Some great things in life that I want to work toward are being independent with a place I can call my own, finishing school, and maintaining an active social life with good friends.
All you can do is make your goals and stick with them. It’s up to you to decide how you want your life to be. Not dealing with your problems makes them worse, so you’ll have to face more of them later on. Never let bad situations bring the worst out in you. Be strong, be positive, and look forward to making those memories!