Is True Love Found in Whether He is Hot or Not?

Flickr/ Matthew G
Flickr/ Matthew G

“What a babe!”

“Whoa, he’s hot!”

These are common phrases that come out of my mouth and, I imagine, the mouths of many single ladies these days.

In 2015, the year of Tinder, more and more online dating, and any plastic surgery procedure imaginable, how can looks not be top of mind?

If I’m not scanning real-life rooms to find the most attractive males possible, I am sifting through friends of friends on social media and dating sites.  Yes, I browse through their profiles to make sure they have somewhat of a personality, but unless it is a hot guy catching my eye… on to the next profile!

“On to the next profile” may be the exact reason my friends would tell you I’m 32 and single.  “You’re looking for a supermodel.” “You’ll never find Mr. Perfect.” “You’re too picky!”

This got me thinking, when did attraction change from something needed in a relationship to the only thing that mattered to me?

If I’m being honest, I haven’t quite figured this out yet.  I’ve tried dating someone that I was only mildly attracted to hoping I could train myself to focus on his personality or other great qualities that would help build that attraction. But, I felt as though I wasn’t being fair to the men by “trying” to like them.    

When thinking about it a little more I remembered that even from my teenage years, my man-choosing method started with my own striving for “perfection,” Skinnier, stronger, prettier, trendier, and the list goes on; I want men to look at me and be attracted. Especially since “Men are visual” is all I hear these days.

The problem is my personal struggle hinders these potential relationships from the start. My selfishness is hurting others, but ultimately myself.  I know that if I continue to only focus on outside beauty, the relationships I form won’t be connections of substance. They won’t be relationships that are true and solid love.

My need to have that attention or “hot guy” to text/call isn’t healthy because it isn’t coming from a place of true respect for that person.  Single women, myself at the top of the list, need to recognize that focusing on physical attraction isn’t what solid relationships are built on.

My dating record isn’t an extensive one, but what I’ve learned so far in all of this is that my constant focus on physical appearance has made me miss out on some incredible men.  Not to mention this tactic has allowed me to get burned by some of the not-so-great guys that would surely turn heads.

I want my future husband to be a man of great integrity, one that puts others and God first, and one that will love me and our family with unconditional love overwhelms my heart with joy – a joy that I will never feel simply by looking into a face on an attractive man I know nothing about. How do I deal with this? Well, the truth is, I don’t have it figured out or the answer to how to make my mental flaws “go away.” But, I have great friends who lift me up, a family who loves me, and most importantly pray constantly for God’s help. Perhaps the first step is trying my best to seek the inner beauty within myself and striving to see it in others while I date.

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