Keeping Up the Romance After Marriage


Ahhh! I thought. The “sex candle!” Good timing babe!

It was a busy day. Lots of hungry people, laundry, errands, and meetings.

I had just gotten home late after the final meeting of the day, and headed upstairs to change into my comfy pants. As I was getting ready to head back downstairs to the routine of watching a show with my hubby, I opened the door of our bedroom and was greeted by the warm glow of a flickering flame bounced around the walls. My shoulders relaxed and I smiled to myself.

Our “sex candle” is one of the ways we keep romance alive in our marriage amidst the busyness of life with kids. It is an actual candle that the wax melts at a lower temperature. So once you blow it out, the wax can be poured onto your skin and used as a massage oil.

It was given to us as a wedding gift (and it’s now my bachelorette party gift of choice).

And in our house, whoever lights it sends a message to the other that when we come up to bed he/she will get a back rub before we dive into making love. Because we use Natural Family Planning (a method that follows the cycle of the woman), sex is already something we don’t take for granted, but the candle spices things up even more! It’s a little way to say I love you and I want to make your day a little bit better.

Honestly, my husband and I aren’t great at romance. It’s hard to take that extra time to think of ideas that go above and beyond the normal routine when we can barely keep up with the day in and day out stuff. But, it’s important. I want my husband to know he is my first priority, which can be difficult when the littler voices of our children are so constant and needy. My husband isn’t my roommate. He’s not just my best friend. He’s my love and the only one in the world with whom I share a very special union. It’s important to remind him of that and not take it for granted.

For us, sex is a renewal of our wedding vows.  It’s “I do” all over again.  No matter how difficult the day, trying the times or tired we may be, when we have sex it’s a way of communicating that we matter.  We, as a unit.  We together are about something bigger than ourselves.  It’s beautiful, passionate, and holy whether or not we involve a special candle.  But taking extra moments outside of the time we spend having sex to prepare something thoughtful or reflect together just deepens those vows even more.

So as easy as it may be, for us the candle is a sweet and simple solution. It doesn’t take a lot of planning or extra work. It fits into our reality of a busy life, while providing a few minutes to slow down and remember that we love and want to take care of each other.


Flickr/Katina Rogers

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