Some people hate the idea of marriage and think that it would squash their goals and dreams. Some people think marriage is the best, and can’t wait until they meet the right person to become their spouse. Some people are married and treat their marriage like a burden that they just have to deal with. The list goes on and on, and I always enjoy hearing people talk about their thoughts on such a big thing.
To me, marriage is being on a team. It’s having a teammate in life and having someone to cheer on. It’s loving someone so much that you are always on their side. Lance and I disagree often, but at the end of the day, I know he’s always on my side. I may think he’s being a complete idiot about something and be certain that I’m right, but I will forever be on his side. It’s just how this works, and it’s beautiful.
It’s building a life with your best friend. From the big moments, like moving somewhere new, to the small moments, like sorting the laundry. It’s all with your best friend.
It’s the security of knowing that no matter how badly you mess up or how many people turn their backs on you, there is someone who is still going to love you and be on your team. Through the twists and turns, it’s having someone right beside you. To roll with the punches with you, to nod when you look over and say, “I did not see this one coming.” To walk through the good and bad with you, through the mundane and the unexpected with you, through the good decisions you make and the terrible choices you make.
It’s never being alone, even when you are.
I was having a conversation with an engaged friend of mine not too long ago, and she was talking about some relationship issues she was having, and she said, “I mean, if it works out, great. If not, I’ll be fine.”
When I said that I couldn’t imagine feeling so easygoing over something as big as marriage, she said, “Yeah, but it’s different. You love Lance. You’re really, really in love with him still.”
Seven years ago, I promised to always love Lance, and three children later, I’m so glad I made that promise. You should marry someone that you love, not just because.
I would not be fine without Lance. I need him. And that’s okay. I think it’s kind of taboo to say that, because we’re supposed to be strong and independent and not need anyone. But I don’t think it makes me weak—it makes me in love.
I’m in love with my husband. I’m in love with the life that we have together. I’m in love with my marriage, because of what it means to me. It’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.
Marriage has a lot to do with loyalty. Standing up for the other person. Granting the benefit of the doubt. Being a team. Standing up for what is right for us, not just me. Decisions are not mine anymore, but ours. It means letting go of selfishness and putting Lance’s spiritual growth foremost in my mind. It’s about playing many roles to keep the household functioning and supportive.
It’s about leaning on each other. Having faith in his abilities. Loving unconditionally. Lifelong commitment. Loving him unconditionally, faults and all. Marriage is hard work. It’s about sacrificing myself for him, and being open to what life has in store for both of us.
I sometimes think that marriage means never fighting, but that’s not true. I sometimes think it means that I’ll never be lonely, but hard times will come, and I will be lonely (though I also know those times will pass). I used to think that because we’re married, Lance would always be home when I was home. That’s an expectation that has proved to be untrue and unhealthy, and I’m taking the right actions to get over it—though waiting for my emotions to follow it!
Yes, marriage can be a roller-coaster ride. But it can be so much more if you do it with someone you love, someone that you choose to be with because you love them, not just because.
Considering that Lance and I are complete opposites—we’re like a crazy Picasso painting—some people might wonder how our marriage works. But that’s okay, because we understand the way our marriage works. At the end of the day, I know he’s on my side, and I’m on his side. It’s just how this works, and it’s beautiful.