How Do You Know He’s ‘The One’?

Growing up I’d often wonder, how will I know when I find my husband? Is there a secret formula, a certain length of time we need to be together, or a certain number of topics that need to be discussed?

Inevitably, the answer was always “you’ll just know.”

I’ll just know? But how?? For someone like me, who thrives when things are black and white, the ambiguity of “just knowing” left me anxious that I wouldn’t “just know” or worse, that I would think I knew a guy was right for me when he wasn’t.

Then I met Adam. Within a few days I had this “feeling” that I was going to marry him, but did my best to avoid the thought. I thought I was crazy to “just know” something so soon.

I believed then and believe now that a person must have some idea of what they are looking for, otherwise there’s a danger of being swayed too easily by infatuation at the beginning.

Very quickly I saw that Adam had many of the traits I was looking for in a man. We shared the same values, he was funny, loved telling stories, worked hard, challenged me and was always looking out for others.

As time went on, I became more and more aware that I had never met a guy more suited to me. While he was in Iraq with the Marines, we developed our friendship by writing letters and exchanging emails, each one bringing me closer to the conclusion that there was no one else for me.

When he returned, the first time we saw each other again was when he accompanied me to a friend’s wedding. I will never forget how confidently he pulled me close on the dance floor during a slow song. It was as if the world just faded away and I was where I was meant to be.

It just felt right. There is no other way to describe it. It was an exhilarating feeling, something I had never experienced before. The way I fit in his arms, the comfort of his embrace, it all felt so natural, like it was where I was meant to be.

I’d like to say that it was in that moment that I knew for sure. But I had been warned time and time again not to let my heart run away with my head. A couple of months later I met Adam’s family for Thanksgiving. While we were there, he told me that he loved me for the first time.

It wasn’t just the words that convinced me that he was the one, but the fact that he had put a lot of thought into it. He said he had wanted to tell me that for some time but wanted to make sure he really meant those words when he finally said them to me. He was always intentional when it came to our relationship. This further solidified what I already thought of his great character. It was in that moment that I knew with both my head and my heart.

Now, almost seven years into marriage, every day I witness how Adam is a great fit for me. I now see what people meant by “just knowing.” For me, listening to both my head and heart led to the greatest decision of my life.

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1 Comment

  • I continually get told that a woman thinks she’s not good enough for me. I am a smart, honest and sweet guy and that scares them away I guess. I can’t change who I am and I think the right woman would be lucky to have a guy treat her like I would. They always get bored because I’m predictable I guess. Im responsible and dependable, whereas they seem to like unpredictability and drama maybe. I don’t know if there’s a woman out there who seriously wants a great guy. They don’t know how to act with me, they arent used to being treated like that I guess. Then I get stepped all over or even used.. I mean I can’t change who I am as a person, what do I do?

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