Learning to trust in a relationship is everything. It’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time. I’ve especially had trouble trusting men, because a man very close to me and whom I counted on for a lot let me down so much. He stole from me, left me, made plans to see me and never showed up. So many times, when he was supposed to be there for me, he left. That’s where my trust issues started.
Ever since, every relationship I have been in with a guy, the first couple months are great: I trust him, and there is no stress, no issues. Then when it starts getting serious it’s crazy how things switch. My mind becomes consumed with questions.
What are they doing?
Who are they with?
What are they deleting?
Is he cheating?
Is he gonna leave me for someone else?
So many questions go through my head that I start making stories up in my head. I get so stressed out, and it’s so tiring and time consuming. I can never just relax; there is always something I’m wondering about.
These trust issues have ruined every relationship I’ve been in. The fighting gets worse, I start losing myself again, my self-confidence goes away—and everything goes downhill from there. Before I know it, I’ve lost myself once again, doubting if I’m good enough for anyone.
Trust is a very big thing in life; you have to have it. When you don’t, you not only push people away but you lose yourself while you break yourself down with questions and negative thoughts about what if’s and “Who am I to anyone?” You don’t get anything accomplished, you can’t go forward, you’re unhappy, you lose relationships.
That’s what was starting to happen in my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him so much, but my tendency is to push him away and fight with him because of my trust issues. But recently through some conversations with his mom and him I’ve realized that by distancing myself and acting suspicious I am not preventing anything bad from happening. Worrying doesn’t actually change anything.
That’s why I’m embracing a new way of thinking—that life is way too short to worry and break yourself down. You should believe yourself worthy of love and love life and take it day by day. Don’t let yourself be paralyzed by the “what ifs,” but instead do the things necessary to build trust—things like communicating with each other, investing in the relationship, being trustworthy, and being vulnerable.
It’s amazing how far you can go with that attitude. I know this from personal experience: not only does life get better, but you become emotionally stronger to deal with difficult situations and better able to love yourself and say, “I am good enough,” “I am worth something great.”
With trust, life becomes meaningful and beautiful and good—because you’re done being tense all the time, and you’re finally letting yourself see all the meaning and beauty and goodness that’s there. In you, and in the world.
Will people let you down? Yes, of course. Life isn’t perfect. But that doesn’t mean everyone is like that. And the more you trust yourself, the more you’ll learn who is worthy of your trust and who isn’t. The stronger you get mentally, the stronger your outlook on life will become, and the stronger your relationships and life will be. Never give up on yourself. Never give up on love.