A Letter to My Teenage Self About Love

Vicky,

You are in high school now. A teenager with more questions than answers. I know you also have hormones raging through your body, and you are only thinking of the now, not the repercussions your decisions will have in the future.

Even though it seems like everyone in high school is either having sex or talking about sex, do not feel pressured to follow the crowd. Your friends think they know everything and that you should be walking the same path, but I am here to plead with you not to.

I know you want to grow up as soon as you can. You want people to take you seriously and view you like an adult and not a child. Sex does not make you an adult; it just makes you a kid having sex. You’re not ready for it. Big decisions like having sex should wait until you are married. Know it’s okay to be a kid. Take advantage of what should be a time of innocence. Growing up is already hard enough, so don’t try to hurry it up.

You will meet your prince charming one day, and I can tell you right now, he is not in your high school. Save yourself for him. Sex is so much more special with the commitment and trust that comes from marriage. That’s not something you will find from those boys you like in high school.

I know you so badly want attention and love, that you’ll do anything to keep a guy. But know this: If he’s pressuring you into doing something you don’t want to do, he’s not worth it. Just because a boy is nice to you, you should never feel pressured to do anything with him. You do not owe a guy anything—ever.

I know your first thought is to make everyone around you happy, but that never should be at the expense of your own happiness or what’s good for you. Don’t do something just because it’s what someone else wants or expects from you. You don’t have to please everyone.

Trust your gut. If you feel like you do not want to do something sexual with someone, then don’t. I remember that pressure. I kept saying “no,” but eventually felt guilted into doing what he wanted. That feeling afterwards of being dirty and gross and ashamed is not worth trying to please some boy who makes you feel like you owe him. I know they make you feel less than and not good enough when you don’t give them what they want. That’s not love; you shouldn’t feel like that. Know that there are men, like the man you will later marry, who will love you as you are.

I know if you found someone to talk to they would probably echo a lot of the same things I am saying, except it wouldn’t be ten years too late. Don’t feel embarrassed or like you are alone. Every adult can remember this struggling time in their lives too. As an adult, everyone I know went through struggles in high school. Reach out to an adult you trust, get their take on things. Don’t run from them thinking they will judge you or have no idea what you are going through. Trust me, they do.

If you start hanging out with people who are pressuring you to do things you aren’t comfortable with, then just step back from them. I know you want to be popular, but many of these friends aren’t good for you—find people who are.

It might not feel like it now, but life is so much bigger than your high school friend group. One day you will graduate and move far away and all of those people you tried so hard to please will fall out of your life. Know you will also make much better friends in the future too.

You have a couple of true and good friends in your life now, cling to them. Your neighborhood friends, although they might not be just like you, are great influences and will not pressure you or lead you down the wrong path. Surround yourself with friends who build you up and don’t try to change you for the worse.

Above all, I want you to really understand just how much value you have.

Know you are loved and lovable. You are enough.

With love,

Victoria

Victoria

grew up in Michigan but calls Pennsylvania home. She videoblogs about her life as a stay-at-home mom at The Lemon Tree (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIYrkk3L5lGZH6ys67iURoA). She is happily married to her college sweetheart, who is also her rock. She believes in love because it found her even when she felt undeserving.
Victoria
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