I knew I was going to have to work hard to win over Kara’s parents, and so the first time I visited them I came prepared. I’m a fan of tradition, so I brought her mother flowers. I’m also a fan of innovation, and brown nosing, and so I came with a summer sausage for her dad. Kara’s father has loved me ever since.
While we were dating, visiting Kara’s family was always an adventure. They have high standards, which I appreciated, but they also had a strong German heritage of NO PDA’s. Visiting her house was sort of like visiting the 6th grade. We would sneak kisses and cuddles, and I was always listening for dreaded footsteps. Looking back it was a lot of fun, and it taught us an important lesson about intimacy as well.
Kara and I did not have sex before we were married, but we also went without kissing and cuddling whenever we visited her parents. Under the watchful eye of Kara’s parents, we had to be creative in the ways we did show love for each other. We would exchange flirtatious glances, spend more time talking, and doing small acts of kindness that showed we cared. Instead of our love suffering during these times, we found ourselves growing even closer together and really enjoying ourselves.
Now that we are married, this has been a great lesson for our sex life. Sex is a primary and powerful expression of love, but it doesn’t replace all the other expressions of love that we’ve come to share. Sometimes sex just isn’t an option, but intimacy certainly still is, and it’s important that we show our love in non-sexual ways. What we learned years ago still holds true today. During these times our love doesn’t fizzle, instead it grows deeper; it fuels our sex life and makes that grow too.
This has been especially helpful for me, and all guys, to remember. We tend to focus on sex and forget about all the other ways we can share love. But the truth is that the more we love in other ways, the better our lovemaking becomes. Kara and I are always learning how to love each other better, which is a pretty awesome part of marriage!