How He Helped Me Heal From My Dark Past

 

 

Every once in awhile I will look back at how things used to be before I married Chris. My life was so different before my husband broke into my world and rescued me.

I had tried for years to deny the effects of the sexual abuse I had experienced as a child, but I had begun to believe I wasn’t worthy of real love. I kept most people at a distance, afraid to let them see the real me for fear of having them see the unworthiness I felt inside. That is, until I met my future husband.

I decided to perform a little experiment with this new man in my life: I decided I wouldn’t play games—I would just be me. I shared my brokenness with him, my real thoughts and feelings. I thought I was worthless, but he treated me with respect. Instead of thinking me shameful, he told me I was beautiful and strong. For the first time in my life, I began to feel safe.

With this newfound emotional security, I finally had the courage to confront my abuse rather than just stuff it all inside. Chris supported me when I went to counseling and encouraged my healing. I opened my heart, like the door to a dusty, abandoned room. I didn’t know what I would find there, but I clutched my small flashlight and peered inside.

Dealing with my past was incredibly painful. Sometimes I would break down, exhausted from the energy it took to grieve and reevaluate my life. Chris treated me with great respect, even when I didn’t think I deserved it. He would hold me tightly, and repeat over and over that I had great value. I didn’t believe him, but eventually I did.

Most days I wake ready to take on the world (or at least my house). But my husband remembers a time when I wasn’t as self-assured. Every once in awhile, he will tell me how proud he is of me. He rarely needs to pick me off the floor to hold me and remind me I matter anymore. But I know I can rely on my husband to encourage and support me, no matter what I’m dealing with.

April

April's primary passion is building and nurturing positive relationships with her husband and their four children. In addition to homemaking, she spends time as a Natural Family Planning Instructor and as the Infertility and Childbearing Coordinator for Elizabeth Ministry International. April writes for I Believe in Love because she has found deep satisfaction and peace in motherhood and marriage, and she would like to encourage others to not be afraid of this path.
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