Lately, my husband and I have adopted a new bedtime routine. We snuggle up nice and cozy under our fluffy covers, engage in a little pillow talk, kiss, and then leave our bed to go spend the rest of the night on our kids’ trundles. Confused? So was I at first. But stick with me and I’ll explain how this new routine has made me see a new side of love in my marriage.
Victor and I bought our firm pillow-top mattress about eight years ago. It served us well, but now it’s done. When we started researching new mattresses, we soon realized we were going to need to save up for several months in order to replace our bed. So we tried to extend the life of our old bed by propping up the middle with blankets underneath the mattress to help raise the crater that drew us to the center of the bed. But to no avail.
Victor’s back pain became so acute that he finally had to make the decision to sleep somewhere else. At first, I was upset. My discomfort was not as great as his, so I was willing to “roll with the bed” a little longer. For me, sleeping together is more than just our assigned bedtime location. Sleeping in the same bed with my husband builds a very strong emotional, even spiritual, connection. I feel content, safe, and fulfilled with him lying at my side. Now, he was willing to throw all that away because of a few aches and pains?
I’m sorry to say that it took me a couple of weeks to empathize with Victor. I wish I had been more sensitive to his needs earlier on in this saga. When I finally saw how much he was sacrificing by staying in the bed for me, despite his pain, I realized that I needed to make some sacrifices too.
So we talked. I told Victor how important sleeping together is to me. He explained to me that he loves me whether he spends the whole night next to me or not. Of course, I knew this, but hearing him say it was something I needed. We came to a compromise. We would spend some quality time together in our old rickety bed before we parted to sleep in our kids’ bedrooms for the rest of the night. Both of our sons have trundle beds that slide out from under their beds, so Victor and I each take one. Then the next stage of our routine begins.
Inevitably, one of us starts to text the other. We end up being silly and sweet, and it always ends in an invitation to meet secretly one last time before we fall asleep. This new little flirtatious routine has put a playful and sweet aspect back into our marriage. Without fail, we end up in the same bed together again for five or ten minutes of snuggling after the alarms sound in the morning.
After nearly a decade of marriage, I was afraid that not sleeping in the same bed would do something to pull us apart. But our love found a way to pull us closer together despite that separation. I think Victor and I will both miss our midnight texts and twilight snuggles, so much so that I’m not even that eager to get the new mattress I’m glad life breaks down at times because it gives true love a chance to build back up in new and exciting ways.
So what has sleeping in a twin trundle bed taught me about love? The foundation of love in a marriage does not have to sink with the old mattress. When two people make an effort to consider each other’s needs and desires, true love will find a way to innovate and thrive.