When I was in college I came up with a list of qualities I was looking for in a husband. There were non-negotiables, such as a man of deep faith, lover of children and a hard worker. Then there were those I considered “bonuses”: football quarterback, good storyteller, and coming from a large family. My “husband list,” which contained at least 30 qualities, became a joke among my friends. At my wedding my matron of honor even announced, to my bewilderment, that she had her hands on my infamous list… Thankfully she was just joking.
While that list certainly served as a guide, I realize now, five years into marriage, that it didn’t include everything I was looking for in an ideal husband. In fact, some of the qualities I’ve come to appreciate now in my husband, Adam, were ones that at times frustrated me while we were dating.
For example, Adam is a pretty laid back guy. It takes a lot to get him riled up or to worry. It used to drive me crazy that things I thought were serious and significant, he didn’t seem bothered by. However, over these early years of marriage I’ve come to see how much his calm presence has had a positive effect on my frequent agitations. When I’m worried about the unknown, overly concerned about the kids or focus on a worst-case scenario, he reels me back in with the look at the positive. Adam works to plant my feet firmly in reality and helps me see the bigger picture. Without his easy-going attitude, I would not have grown as much as a woman, wife and mother, plus I’d probably be much less happier, stuck in my worries.
Adam is also a fun-loving guy. Now, of course what woman wouldn’t want a husband who likes to have fun? I did, too. It’s just at times his love for fun came across as juvenile or immature. I’d feel like as adults who were preparing for marriage, on some level we needed to prove we were ready and capable of making such a significant life jump. And Adam goofing around with the guys to me did not equal “responsible.” But his fun-loving attitude has proved to be priceless on numerous occasions. From vacation mishaps, to bad days, to getting on the floor and playing with the kids, Adam’s joy at just living life to its fullest has been a great blessing to our marriage.
I’m sure as the years continue to go by I’ll recognize more and more qualities in him that never made my initial “list.” I’m so glad that’s the case. It reminds me that I don’t have everything figured out or even know what’s always best for me. It allows me to look at my marriage as a great adventure and to realize that my husband and I will continue to grow and change as we continue our journey to becoming even more united than on our wedding day.
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