One Way to Reconnect with Your Spouse


As I’ve written previously, my husband and I have been trying to reconnect after life started to get the best of us.

One of my friends suggested we read To Fall in Love, Do This and to go through the 36 Questions That Lead to Love mentioned in the article. She told me the idea is that if you ask each other a series of increasingly intimate questions, it can help you grow closer to your partner.

It seemed fun, but I have to admit my husband and I were skeptical. We were already in love and had already been married for four years. I felt like we already knew everything about each other. What would we possibly get out of this? Turns out, a lot.

Things started out innocent enough, with asking each other questions like, “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” At that point, I fully thought we would just have fun with this and move on with our day.

But then the questions started to get a lot more personal. And I found my husband’s responses reminded me why I fell in love with him in the first place.

I read the prompt: “Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?” I asked my husband. Without blinking he said, “No.”

My husband is such a strong and optimistic man that I forget that his childhood was like a LifeTime horror movie, defined by neglect and abuse. He has always been open about his past but very adamant about not letting it define him.

What he said reminded me what a strong person I married, someone who has overcome so much and who has worked so hard to have a good life with the people he loves. As we continued through the questions, his answers to the other questions I asked him emphasized that he wanted to be the best husband, dad, and man he can be. And despite all we’ve been through together, our answers affirmed that we still share the same dreams for the future.

Sharing this time together one-on-one made me feel the way we did when we first started dating.  Not only because  it showed us that we still share the same goals and values, but because it reminded us that we still feel the same way about each other. When we got to a question about what you consider a “positive characteristic of your partner,” it meant the world to hear him say how sweet, pretty, faithful, forgiving, and optimistic he thinks I am. And I know it meant a lot to him to hear about how I feel about him.

None of my husband’s responses surprised me. But I realized that doesn’t mean spending that time together wasn’t  helpful. After spending the last year putting our relationship on autopilot, it was a great way to reconnect. I think it’s important to know we are both still on the same track when it comes to our relationship with each other.

Written By
More from Victoria

Building the Bond between Mother and Daughter

As I’ve written previously, my relationship with my parents hasn’t always been...
Read More